Tuesday, September 6, 2011

honest thoughts from a soon-to-be mom


So, let's talk "being a mom."

A couple Sunday nights ago, I had a sleepless night.  I was in bed worrying about everything ... we hadn't set up the crib yet, we hadn't finished/nailed down everything on our registries, I hadn't finished my ridiculous organizational projects, the house was not clean, we hadn't installed our cloth diaper sprayer to the toilet, and oh, the list goes on!  In the midst of all of this, I started thinking about Colt and me and how things are going to change.  Some people I've observed kind of get over the whole lovey-dovey marriage stuff and move on to the kid phase simply because it's the next step.  Like some of you, I'm sure, we are not like that.  We are 100% in love and best friends.  We thoroughly enjoy each other's company.  This baby is going to ruin it, I thought in my head.

I know, it sounds a little rude, but it's really not.  I hope those of you that have gone through the emotions of adjusting to a first child can empathize with this feeling and help me feel a bit more normal.

We are so thrilled to become parents and cannot wait to see our little man, but it was truly overwhelming thinking about everything that night.  Colt was already asleep when I started crying hysterically.  I did the soft, sniffly cry for awhile, but then it morphed into a bigger cry ... mostly out of genuine emotion, but partly out of my desire for Colt to wake up and pay attention to me.  Admit it.  You've done the same thing.

We talked a bit and he assured me that we were going to be fine, we still had time together, we were still going to be in love, and everything was going to be okay.

A couple weeks have passed and I do feel better about the whole thing.  Fortunately, we've crossed a lot of things off of our list and the basics of the nursery are ready to go.  But, I'm still a bit anxious to see what the role of a mom and the role of a wife are really like together.  I know it's been done before, and done very well, might I add.  I realize I'm not making history here, but it's the unknown and sometimes that is scary enough.

There are 7 weeks left before the unknown becomes very known.  I am glad to be on this journey with such wonderful friends, family, and of course, my best friend.  I know this baby boy is such a precious gift and I'm excited to meet him.

4 comments:

  1. Oh you are SO normal! I once sobbed in the middle of an innocent night of television watching with Jonathan over the same feelings. In some ways, I think you sort of grieve the loss of those newlywed years before having a baby. And things ARE a little different post-baby. But if you continue to find ways to stay connected to your spouse, you find a new normal, and--even better--the journey of parenthood makes you fall even deeper in love.

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  2. Claire, I feel ya!!! In every way, right about now. It's like you're grieving the loss of "no more just the two of us" at the same time you're excited about this new lil' person. It's hard for me to think about "sharing" Brad with baby girl, but at the same time I know he'll be a great father and continue to be a great husband. Just like Colt! You're not alone AT ALL. :)

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  3. leslie - thank you SO much for your encouraging words. what you said totally makes sense. hearing from people who have done it before really helps. :)
    mirela - you're exactly right! and yes, they will both be wonderful fathers. glad we get to do this together!

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  4. I wouldn't worry too much. For us having a baby was a BIG adjustment. But it is more like an evolution than anything else. It will help your love for eachother grow deeper now that you have a human with both of you. There may be less time to spend together but that will make it all the more sweet. Now we can't imagine our life without Ava. She is a part of us just like we are apart of eachother. It is a beautiful thing. Sometimes your mommy brain will overide your wifey brain. You just have to explain that to him, that sometimes it is impossible to ignore something you need to do for your(both of yours :)) baby, even if he doesn't understand just yet. Just make sure to connect with him when you can. I am so happy for you!!

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