Friday, January 20, 2012
on 'don't carpe diem'
I've spent the past couple of weeks thinking about something. It's constantly been spiraling around in my mind and it wasn't until I read this article that I feel like it's allowed to come to a stop.
In a nutshell, I'm afraid of getting through life too fast. I don't want to be 80 and wish I would have done such-and-such or spent more time with so-and-so or enjoyed more moments of life. It becomes such a weight on me that I think it actually causes me to enjoy things less. In worrying about not savoring moments, I'm doing more worrying that savoring.
So, back to the article. She took the words right out of my mouth. I know I don't have 3 kids and haven't been a mom for a long time, but I can completely relate to what she is saying.
If I had a nickel for every time I heard the following phrases, or other ones like it, I'd be rich.
"Enjoy every moment!"
"It goes by fast! Soak it in!"
"Aren't these just the sweetest moments?"
"Don't you just love being a mom?"
"Isn't this just the best?"
It's not that these moments aren't sweet and wonderful, but they aren't sweet and wonderful ALL of the time. And that's just life, right? From what I've gathered, I don't think you can fully appreciate something until after it's gone and behind you.
I loved being in college when I was in college, but I look back on it with a fondness I couldn't have conjured up while I was in it. I just don't think any of us finish something and say, "Yep, I seized every moment of that and loved every second and cherished every minute." Mostly, we say, "Well, I did my best, there were definitely some enjoyable moments, and I learned a lot."
Most days the mom thing is great. It's a privilege. It's a joy. It's indescribably sweet.
Some days it's hard. It's dirty. It's repetitive. It feels simple.
But like she said, there are those Kairos moments each day that make being a mom worth it ... like making my little boy smile or holding his sweet little body in my arms or feeling his fingers wrap around mine. Those times are like little pieces of heaven.
It's not just about the job of motherhood ... it's any job. It's anything we do in life. We're all human. We aren't going to love every second of life while we're in it. We can't beat ourselves up for that and we need to cut ourselves some slack. What we can do is try to be content with where we are and aim to live with not an unrealistically positive outlook, but a grateful one.