Tuesday, May 15, 2012

can't we all just get along?

(photo credit here)

Moms, let's be honest.  We all have our own ways of doing things.  We deliver naturally or we don't.  We let our kids cry it out or we don't.  We spank our kids or we don't.  We have a feeding schedule with our babies or we don't.  Everybody does it differently.  We do what comes most naturally to us and what we feel is best for our children.  No one has all of the answers.

While we don't agree on a lot of things, I bet we do agree on this one thing:  We need each other.  Moms need other moms.  We need each other for sanity, encouragement, support, etc.  Sitting in the company of other moms is refreshing.

So if this is true (that we need each other), why are we so mean?  I've started putting a few of my posts on Pinterest in hopes that maybe some other moms out there would find them helpful.  One mom wrote this: Don't make your babies go through the trama that babywise recommends! You will forever alter their trust in you! www.drmomma.org

My first thought was, it's 'trauma.'

My next thoughts were, you've obviously never read Babywise and if you have, you've never put it into practice.

I wanted to write that but, honestly, I don't care what she thinks about Babywise.  I don't really care what anyone thinks about it.  And if you're going to be mean about it then you don't deserve 8 hours of sleep when your baby is 2 months old.  (I'm kidding.)

(But seriously.)

(And I did reply to her.  I couldn't help myself.  But I think it was a polite response.)

What I find appalling about this is that she doesn't even know me.  And after the crazy up-all-night feedings (that all moms deal with) the first couple of months, the spit up that drenches my body and furniture, and the millions of other things that come with having a baby, I am told on the internet (on Pinterest!) by a complete stranger that I am causing trauma to my child and forever altering his trust in me.  

It made me want to laugh, throw something, and cry all at the same time.  Why are people so mean?  And what was her goal in writing that anyway?  What was she trying to prove?  Does she think I'll read it and think, Oh, yeah, that's right.  Even though Babywise has worked like magic for me and my family for 6 months, I should stop doing it because internet lady told me so.  What?  No.  Nobody does that.  

I know this isn't the first time something like this has happened (or the last).  It happens all the time.  Have you ever read the comments on Youtube?  People being mean on the internet is not new and is certainly not going away anytime soon.  And I know that 'mom stuff' isn't the only thing that sparks up really intense opinions from really intense people.  It's everything.  But right now, I'm talking about 'mom stuff.'

I'm not writing this so that I can point fingers at someone.  I'm writing this to encourage you (and myself) to never say anything like that to anyone ... on the internet or not.  I'm convinced that most people who feel the need to say things like that to strangers on the world wide web are just not happy.  And that's just too bad.

So, let's all file our fiery opinions on the bad-for-you epidurals, crazy natural birth people, traumatizing Babywise followers, and lazy no-schedule moms away.  We don't need those.  Sure, it's fine to have your opinions, but don't force them on others or allow them to determine what you think about someone.  Let's offer support always and advice when asked.  Can't we all just get along?

7 comments:

  1. as a mom- i can not agree more. my husband has a friend, who his wife and i parent TOTALLY differently. and she was very vocal about how "wrong" she thought I parented.. i was so heated, that i could not and would not talk to her for a very long time (mature, i know!).. we have finally discussed it and realize we are not going to see eye to eye on mothering.. and thats ok. :) every family is different, every child is different.. parenting approaches can be different (even among with the same family.. with different children). i am all for encouraging the "what works for you at that specific time" method. :) you are doing a great job claire!

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    1. Exactly! Glad you all got it worked out. ;) And thanks for the encouragement!

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  2. Amen Sister! I couldn't agree more. Being a mom is hard enough without everyone else trying to give you their opinions. (Of course if you ask, that's different! :)) We definitely have to rally around one another and support, not critique, other moms. I think every mom should do what they have to do to feel SANE and feel like they are caring for their child in the best way possible. If we can even be confident in what we do as a mom, then we will be giving our child the best we can, because we will be able to do it whole heartedly. And that's all they ask for... our whole hearts. Great post Claire!

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    1. Thanks ... and it's just like the time you said, "You're doing a great job," to me when Duke was just 2-3 weeks old. It felt like someone gave me a million bucks! Encouragement goes a long way for sure. :)

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  3. It is sad that there is time for such rudeness between the hormones, sleepless nights, and imperfections we face in ourselves while trying to raise healthy and happy children. I admire you as a woman and as a mother. Keep your head held high because you know duke better than crazy Internet woman or any other person for that matter. I am always very impressed by you Claire. Thanks for the post!! And enjoy your sleep tonight as baby wise works it's magic!!

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    1. That's very true! Thanks for the sweet words. I'm certainly glad to have you as mom support. :)

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  4. Hello. You don't know me but I found your blog through mutual friends. I went to OBU and was in your brother's class. We just had baby number two. During some feeding sessions the last two days I have browsed through your blog and enjoyed it. You write well and present your thoughts in a very effective way. I have also been SO encouraged!!!!! We did Babywise with our first and it worked amazingly well! We had ppl in disbelief at how well Naomi slept and that she went to bed on her own. Several friends began it with their kids after seeing it work so well. Recently, after some rude comments on FB and in person about Babywise I crumbled and felt like I ruined my baby's life. Before our second came I read several other books advocating different methods. My husband, who grounds me, asked why I was so desperate to change something that worked so well for our family. I thought logically about this for a while and saw how well it worked for us, esp me. I need sleep and i function so well on a schedule and routine. Needless to say we are doing babywise again. I am still sensitive to others very negative opinion of this though. I admire your confidence and how you present your reasons so well. It's boosted my confidence too!! I'll be keeping up with your blog for sure. It's nice to have these reminders and encouragement!

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