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Friday, July 24, 2015

BFBN: dropping the morning nap // prioritizing sleep

It's Babywise Friendly Blog Network week, and our topic is sleep. I know that these posts are going to be so helpful, so check out each of these ladies' blogs this week:

Monday: Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday: Shea at The Moses Home // Stephanie at Giving It Grace
Wednesday: Brooke at Apffel a Day // Kimberly at Team Cartwright
Thursday: Carrie at Wiley Adventures // Emily at The Journey of Parenthood
Friday: Claire at My Devising // Elaine at Faithfully Infertile

http://www.faithfullyinfertile.com/2015/07/prioritizing-sleep-bfbn/

Today, Elaine is writing about how to prioritize sleep so that you have a well-rested baby, but also feel like you can get out of your home. She gives some really great advice in the area of sleep, so you definitely need to pop over and read her post!

One thing I love about Babywise is the nap structure. I know there are non-Babywise folks who have kids that are good nappers, but for me, Babywise is what got me there. Not only do I enjoy the fact that my kids sleep well, but I enjoy that there is a natural progression we can follow when it comes to naps and sleep. Babywise lays it out there for us. We know when our child has entered nap-dropping range and we know what to look for.

Every nap that is dropped means more freedom. When I was a first-time mom, I would read things like this and feel very confused. Your kid is up more and it's freeing? YES! Once they get to one nap a day, life is wonderful. (I mean, life is wonderful before that point, but being able to be out and about all morning with two happy kids is a glorious thing.)

Typically, you know it's time to drop a nap when something changes in your child's sleep - taking a long time to fall asleep for naps, waking early from naps, waking in the night. Now, if your child has not been napping or sleeping well period, don't immediately jump to dropping a nap. Most likely, that points to a different cause - needing to adjust feedings, over-tiredness, or changing waketime to be either shorter or longer. Dropping a nap is usually the solution when a normally well-rested baby suddenly stops sleeping well. If you're in an appropriate nap-dropping age range and you know there aren't any feeding issues, growth spurts, or illnesses to deal with, then it may be time to adjust naps.

I wrote a little about Duke's 3-to-2 nap transition here and wrote a lot about his 2-to-1 nap transition here. That transition, going from 2 naps to 1, is what I want to focus on today. But this time, I'd like to map out how Nova made that transition. She did almost exactly what Duke did, as described in this post. I'm going to use those same 5 phases (inspired by some great song lyrics) and talk a little bit about what each of them looked like with her.

PHASE 1: HEY-EY-EY-EY, HEY-EY-EY, I SAID HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

Usually, an afternoon nap that suddenly gets shorter/worse means that an adjustment needs to be made to the morning nap. Nova's afternoon nap started getting shorter around 10 months. She wasn't sleeping as well and I knew that meant the transition had begun.

PHASE 2: I THINK A CHANGE WOULD DO YOU GOOD.

The first step to dropping the morning nap is to cut it down. With Duke, this process was a slow and gradual one, but Nova demanded a pretty quick shift. She went from a normal 1.5-2 hour morning nap at 10 months to a 45 min.-1 hour and 15 min. morning nap at 11 months. At 12 months, we had to limit her morning nap to 30-45 minutes or else the afternoon nap was a disaster. So for this phase, you have to pay attention to your child and to what their optimal nap time is. It's going to be different for every baby.

PHASE 3: YOU DON'T REALLY WANNA STAY, NO. BUT YOU DON'T REALLY WANNA GO-O.

In this phase, you may find that your baby will take a solid 45 minute nap one day, a 20 minute nap the next day, and then completely fight it another day. For people that are structured (especially us Babywise people), this can be hard to accept. Just know that it's okay for your days to look different as this transition is happening.

PHASE 4: RENDEZVOUS THEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU.

Nova completely dropped her morning nap at 13 months, which was 2.5 months earlier than Duke did. She was over it, and I could tell. That's just proof that you can do the same thing with two kids and get different results.

PHASE 5: I'D RATHER WORK ON THIS WITH YOU THAN TO GO AHEAD AND START WITH SOMEONE NEW.

We are in this adjustment period right now. In my experience, two things have to adjust. First, you and your baby have to adjust her being up all morning long. For us, it's pretty imperative that we get out and do something every day to help break up the morning and avoid fussy spells. The great thing about this phase this time around is that Nova has a buddy to keep her entertained. Second, the afternoon nap has to adjust. It may only be around 1.5-2 hours some days as your baby is learning to lengthen that nap. That's where we are right now. There are occasional days that a 2.5-3 hour nap happens, but for the most part, the naps are on the shorter end as her body figures out how to stretch it out.

(To read about these phases in more detail, read this post.)

Phase 1 hit both kids at different times (Nova - 10 months, Duke - 12 months), but for each child, it was about a 3-4 month process of chipping away at the morning nap to make for a better, longer afternoon nap. Duke was officially down to one nap at 15.5 months and Nova was down to one nap at 13 months. Hopefully this will help some of you as you drop down to one nap a day!

Thursday, July 23, 2015

BFBN: conquering the 45 minute nap // infant sleep guide

http://www.wileyadventures.com/2015/07/bfbn-week-sleep-conquering-forty-five.html

Moms who are desperate and wanting help with your chronic 45 minute napper, you will love Carrie's post today. She shares ways she conquered the 45 minute nap with her 4th child. My most favorite part is point #4 - "Do the same thing for a long time." She talks about how sometimes you're so insane trying to fix something that you end up trying a million different things and nothing works. I've definitely been there. All that does is create a crazy mom and a chaotic day because all consistency has been abandoned. If you're working through a 45 minute nap issue, you definitely should check her post out.

http://www.journeyofparenthood.com/2015/07/infant-sleep-guide-helping-your-baby.html

Emily's post gives the main bullet points of getting your infant to sleep. She mentions the most important pieces to the process. On the list are things like being consistent, knowing your baby's optimal waketime, and the eat-wake-sleep pattern, just to name a few. Emily is an experienced mom of 3 and has a lot of wisdom to offer!

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

BFBN: maintaining sleep schedules on vacation // no guilt for sleep scheduling

http://teamcartwright.blogspot.com/2015/07/bfbn-week-maintaining-sleep-schedules.html

Kimberly posted on the importance of keeping a schedule even when you're on vacation. I know that for me, considering my personality and my kids' ages, keeping a schedule is important for us as well. It keeps everyone happy, well-rested, and provides downtime we all need.

http://apffeladay.com/i-am-not-guilty-for-sleep-scheduling-words-to-lift-the-fog/

Brooke's post is a great encouragement to all of us moms to go with our instincts. There's no need to be passive aggressive and post articles in an attempt to put others' parenting methods down and lift up our own. There's no guilt for how we parent. There's no guilt for sleep training.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

BFBN: importance of a sleep routine // protecting baby's first nap

http://www.givingitgrace.com/2015/07/the-importance-of-sleep-routine.html

There are 2 posts on sleep today. Stephanie wrote about the importance of a sleep routine. I like that she mentions how a sleep routine, which may seem rigid to some people, usually means that you are able to put your baby down almost anywhere for naps and bedtime. That's how my kids have been. Give them a room to sleep in and they'll do it. She talks about how a routine actually gives her a lot of flexibility with things like late evenings at friends' houses, traveling, etc.

http://www.themoseshome.blogspot.com/2015/07/protecting-first-nap-in-infancy-and.html

Shea's post is so great for any moms who are new to Babywise. She wrote about protecting the baby's first nap of the day and how, a lot of the time, it influences how the rest of the day goes. She explains how the first nap transforms and changes throughout your baby's first year. This is a great resource for anyone needing to know what to expect as your baby grows.

Monday, July 20, 2015

BFBN: how healthy sleep principles benefit infancy through preteen

http://www.babywisemom.com/2015/07/how-healthy-sleep-principles-have.html

I love Valerie's post today. It's all about how good sleep habits follow our children into the preteen ages. My favorite part is about how when our children are used to being well-rested, they learn how to take personal responsibility for their sleep. They may make their own observation about how going to bed later means they don't sleep as well or they wake earlier. They notice things like that because they are so accustomed to having good, healthy sleep consistently. It was encouraging to read through some of the benefits of Babywise even as our children get older.

Friday, April 24, 2015

life with 2: how babywise changed with 2 children

When I had Duke back in 2011, I had no idea what I was doing. How many times am I supposed to feed this baby anyway? Can he just sleep in the bouncer forever? I was clueless. I was also frustrated. But when I started Babywise at 3 weeks old, things began to fall into place. No, life wasn't perfect and the postpartum depression was still around, but there was a rhythm to my day and I was in desperate need of that.

Duke was a textbook Babywise baby so I knew I'd use the same methods on Nova when she arrived. So far, Nova and Duke have been very different. She came a million years late while he came right on his due date. She's been formula fed since she was 2 months old, but I was able to nurse Duke for a year. She rarely spits up while Duke, on the other hand, soaked large bath towels after every feeding and in between feedings. Nova dropped the DF before the MOTN feed while Duke dropped the MOTN feed before the DF.

They are two different children who have different personalities and different needs, but Babywise has worked wonderfully for both of them.

I was a pretty strict Babywise follower with Duke as a baby. I remember occasionally hearing, "Oh, just wait til you have your next one. You won't care about that stuff!" While I am more easy going about things with Nova, I didn't just toss everything out the window. When you find something like Babywise that is this beneficial for you and your children, you're not going to throw it aside just because it may be a bit more complicated to manage two sets of schedules all day long.

I wanted to share the things that I have been more relaxed about this time around. These are small things, but knowing that every day will not be a perfect textbook Babywise day is helpful for me. A little extra slack given in moderation will not create bad habits.

SNACKS

Babywise does not encourage snacking. It focuses on full meals so that your baby or child is not eating constantly throughout the day. I do not let Nova snack, but I will say this - if I'm going to an appointment or I'm going to be running errands and pushing her naptime or she's in the church nursery, I'm not worried about her munching on Cheerios and drinking out of her sippy cup just to keep her happy and keep the intensity level down. With Duke, I would've worried I was going to create a habitual snacker for life. An 18 year old that will never stop eating and does not know how to control his food intake all because of THIS. There are moments when you need to pull out the snacks - for your kids' sakes, for your sanity, and for the ears of the people around you.

NAPS

I want to have well-rested kids just as much as I want to have my precious alone time every day. So even though I am more flexible with naps, do NOT hear me say "we just don't take naps or worry about naps or try to keep them consistent." We LOVE our naps around here.

Here's what I mean when I talk about being more flexible. I do not worry about Nova only taking a 45 minute morning nap at church every Sunday. I do not worry if she wakes early from a nap at home. Yes, I get frustrated and annoyed because my alone time was cut short, but I am not concerned for her well-being. I do not worry about Nova having to take a little 3rd catnap on Wednesday evenings before church because of how her naps get interrupted due to school pick-up. So when it comes to flexibility in naps for me, it's mostly about my perspective and how I can loosen up when an off day happens.

WAKETIME

Waketime is very important in the first few months of life. For me, it's been very crucial to figure out the most optimal waketime for my children in order to guarantee good naps. But eventually, you come upon a certain age, dependent on the particular baby and/or the parents, where the waketime or the time that baby goes down for a nap just doesn't matter. It doesn't mean a longer or a shorter nap. I hung on to the formula and preciseness of waketime with Duke way longer than I held onto it with Nova. Neither is right or wrong. It's just a preference of how you like to do things coupled with your baby's personality.

MEALTIME

I remember a season of Duke's life when he always ate dinner at 6:00. If for some reason we were elsewhere and dinner would be served at 5:30-5:45, it sent my mind into a whirl. What if that's too early for him? What if his dinner doesn't carry over into the night and he wakes up hungry? What if he doesn't sleep through the night? Very silly. But you can't blame a young, new mom for feeling that way! Nobody wants to give up a great schedule and an amazing night of sleep! But now, I see the bigger picture and I know that if a mealtime has to be tweaked, it's okay.

Maybe none of these are monumental thoughts and maybe they seem obvious. But these are the ways that Babywise has become more relaxed to me with my 2nd child. I didn't/don't compromise on the basic concepts, but I know where there's room to fudge a bit.

As a general rule, what you do on MOST DAYS is what your children will expect. If a couple days a week are wonky or off-schedule, your kids will bounce back. And if they don't, then you know you've pushed too far. They don't mind letting us know! If Nova gets 3 days in a row of napping elsewhere, short naps, or something along those lines, she will make it clear to me that she is not a fan. Sometimes it will take a day or two to get back to normal. So right now, at almost 11 months, 2 days of crazy in a row is her limit. Another example - if the day comes when your toddler thinks he gets to eat whatever he wants whenever he wants, then you've probably given him that impression. They will let you know when you've loosened the reigns too much.

Lastly, I want to say this:

To the new moms of 2 - You can STILL maintain the level of structure that you desire. Whatever feels most natural for you is what you should do. Just know that having another baby or another schedule to deal with does not make Babywise impossible. You will need some adjustment time to figure out how to make your routines work with 2 little people around, but it really will happen. (Read my summary on the first 5 months of adjusting to 2 if you need a little pep talk.)

To the strict Babywise moms of 1 - You are not silly, you are not rigid, and you are not unexciting. You may feel all of that at some point, but don't let the moms of more children make you feel lesser because of how precisely planned your life is. Sure, you'll probably loosen up a bit if you have another, but it's certainly not required. If that is the way in which you parent best and most comfortably, then continue on!

Has your implementation of Babywise changed as you've had more kids? What's different about it?

Other "Life with 2" posts:

going from 1 to 2

the first 5 months

Thursday, April 9, 2015

BFBN: when you can't start as you mean to go on

Today, I'm over at Emily's blog writing about how I've become a bit more relaxed about certain areas of Babywise as I added a second child. Elaine is here talking about that same idea - that you can't always follow the book perfectly with every child. Specifically, she discusses the topic of "Start as you mean to go on," which is one of the first things the book tells you to do. She is an experienced mom and I know you'll love what she has to say.

Start as you mean to go on.

Anyone who is even slightly familiar with Babywise has probably heard this statement. If you choose to implement Babywise with your baby starting as you mean to go on does make the implementation of Babywise so much easier.

If you would like to have a 9 month old sleeping in their own bed for naps, then it would be wise to begin, when the baby is a newborn, to lay baby down in his crib for naps. This certainly doesn’t mean you can never hold your newborn to sleep, but you want to keep “start as you mean to go on” in your mind so you can begin establishing eating and sleeping patterns for your newborn that will continue on into his babyhood and childhood.

Start as you mean to go on is a very wise statement but what if you can’t start as you mean to go on from the very beginning?

We adopted our youngest child seven months ago and he was born with medical conditions that left him with severe stomach pains after eating. I simply could not start as I meant to go with him because of the amount of pain he was in. There was no laying him down for naps. He was held the majority of the time during his first 2-3 months. I feared what this meant as far as being able to implement Babywise with him! Having two other children I needed to know that one day I would be able to lay him down for naps and know that he would get the sleep he needed without intervention from me!

The worst of his issues and pain subsided by the time he was around 3-4 months old. He started napping in his Rock N Play consistently at that time and was sleeping through the night (with a dreamfeed) just before turning 4 months old. How did we accomplish that despite not being able to start as I meant to go from the beginning? Here is how:

1. Start as you mean to go as much as you can…even if it is not much at all! I would always first try to lay my son down for his naps in his Rock N Play because that was my ultimate goal. During the roughest period, 90% of the time, he would not stay in the Rock N Play for the duration of the nap and I would end up holding him. At least we had tried and we could try again next nap!

2. Don’t worry about “spoiling”. A baby that is truly in pain and dealing with medical issues needs help sleeping. Holding my son while he was in pain did not “spoil” him. There was a season he needed to be held and then once he was past the worst of his pain he transitioned to sleeping on his own with basically no issue. There was some minimal sleep training involved when he was waking at the 45 minute mark but it was nothing like I had thought it would be.

3. Keep up with the basics of Babywise. If you can’t do anything else, try to keep baby on a 2-3 hour feeding schedule. I knew if I got my son’s feeding schedule in place it would help regulate every thing else. From birth until about 3 months of age, I just focused on feeding him every 3 hours and that was it! I also stuck to an Eat-Play-Sleep cycle as much as possible because I knew if I could establish that, once the pain was no longer a factor, we would be able to fall into a more predictable schedule.

During the first 3-4 months of my son’s life that was all I did as far as Babywise goes…and it was enough! Once his health issues subsided and he was no longer in constant pain, he was able to fall into the predictable feeding and sleeping routine that comes from implementing Babywise!

Elaine blogs at Faithfully Infertile.

Monday, March 9, 2015

BFBN: consistently parenting your different children

It's Babywise Friendly Blog Network week. Each day, one of us will be writing on the same topic. This week, our topic is Personalities.

Today, Valerie has written about how we, as parents, can be consistent, yet also have the flexibility to parent each of our children differently. I love what she says when she talks about the difference between equal and fair:

"It isn't even appropriate for your 4 year old to have the exact same freedoms as your 7 year old had when he was 4. Same age, but a different person. The current 4 year old might need more or fewer freedoms. Maybe the number won't necessarily be different, but what is allowed will be different." - Valerie

Read her entire post here and enjoy!

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

going to church with a babywise baby

Getting to church can be kind of a mess with a baby. I was/am much more flexible on Sundays with Nova, but that's just because she's my second. I think it's hard to balance all of that with baby #1. I wanted to write out what we do with our kids when it comes to church. Maybe this will help some of you out there who feel like Sundays are just absolute chaos.

With Duke, we were back at church when he was 6 weeks old. I was nursing and he was still so young, so I obviously just kept him with me. He would fall asleep on the way to church, stay asleep in the service for a bit, and then wake to eat. With Nova, we brought her to church around 4 weeks and did the same thing.

This system worked for awhile, but then things got tricky. If the car ride didn't get them to sleep or if they couldn't stay asleep, that basically meant they'd miss an entire morning nap, which is rough on babies (especially Babywise babies who love their sleep)!

We needed a new plan. So, here's what worked for us from around 3-9 months of age:

7:30 a.m. Wake baby early and feed (8:00 a.m. is usually the start of our day)
9:00-9:15 a.m. Put baby down for nap (Obviously the waketime before this nap differs depending on age)
10:10 a.m. Wake baby (no feeding) and head to church (I always have everything in the car and ready to go)
10:25 a.m. Arrive at church

(Side note: Once you start taking advantage of the nursery, life gets a lot easier. Duke started going to the nursery at 6 months. I had a pumped bottle ready for them to feed and I knew that I'd miss that feeding every Sunday. I honestly can't remember pumping every Sunday to make up for that. I'm sure I did occasionally, but for the most part, I just skipped that feeding. Because I had to stop nursing/pumping with Nova at 2 months, we sent her to the nursery sooner - I think around 3-4 months. The first few weeks of dropping your baby off in the nursery can be hard, but it is so worth it.)

With this schedule, both of my babies took a bottle somewhere around 10:45-11:30 at church. (Obviously as they got older, the time got later.) There were a few occasions where they would fall asleep after the bottle, but mostly, they were up playing. After this, we head home, eat lunch, and do afternoon naps.

Eventually, with Duke, we let him wake at his normal time on Sunday and he'd do just fine to take a little nap in the nursery cribs during church. Nova is almost 9 months now and we have yet to try that out, but I have a feeling the day is coming soon where the timing of the cat nap at home just won't work before church.

In summary, don't skip out on church (or anything really important to you, for that matter) just because it may interrupt your daily routine. I am firm believer that keeping things scheduled and predicable is the best way to go, but allow yourself a little grace every once and a while. Kids will get used to the way you do things, and if Sundays are a bit different, they will get the hang of it!

Thursday, February 12, 2015

BFBN: solving nap troubles

Today is Babywise Friendly Blog Network day! I'm over on Valerie's blog talking about how going to church with Babywise babies can be tricky, but doable! Valerie is posting here on my blog about nap issues, which is something we all deal with at some point. Enjoy!

Solving Nap Troubles

by Valerie Plowman

Nap troubles are as sure to rise as the sun. Sometimes, these troubles are caused by our own actions and sometimes they are just a normal part of the baby's development. Let's discuss some common reasons for poor naps and what you can do about it.

Reason 1: Hunger

Growth spurts happen the entire time your child is growing. It is wise to always first assume your baby is having a growth spurt when he/she starts waking up early from naps all of a sudden. Feed your baby. If your baby takes a full feeding, then you know your baby was hungry. If your baby does not take a full feeding, then you can look at other possible causes of the early waking.

If it is a growth spurt, it can take as little as a couple of days and as long as a week or so for baby to get all of that food to get the growth the body is trying to achieve. When your children get older and have growth spurts, you will more fully appreciate why baby had to eat all.the.time to get the food baby needed. I watch my older children go through growth spurts and I am in awe at the volume of food that goes into their bodies.

You also want to look into other causes of hunger. Milk supply can drop. Formula amounts might need to be increased. Solids might need to be introduced.

If your baby is waking because of hunger, there is nothing you can do to stop the short naps except offer more food. You don't want baby hungry and there is no reason to beat your head against the wall. Check hunger first.

Reason 2: Sickness or Pain

If it isn't hunger, the next thing to evaluate is sickness or pain. Many times, it is very obvious that it is sickness and not hunger that is keeping your baby awake--you won't even have to consider hunger first. If it isn't obvious, check the temperature, look at the gums, and/or try giving teething remedies (I have a whole bunch of ideas in my Surviving Teething post). If your baby can't sleep through the night and is fitful, always look at ear infections.

If your remedies for sickness/teething help your baby to sleep better, then you have your answer. Do not be afraid to comfort a sick child. You can get back on your regular routine after the sickness is gone or the tooth pain subsides.

Gas and reflux are other pain issues that cause short naps. As babies with reflux grow, their meds need to be increased. As babies start solids, they can have gas or be blocked up. Gas drops and gripe water are both very helpful for both gas. Gripe water is very helpful for reflux pain.

Reason 3: Waketime Length is Off
As children grow, they need a longer waketime. If your playtime length is too short, your baby will likely play before a nap (or younger babies cry), then fall asleep later than should have, and then have a shorter than ideal nap.

You will frequently need to add 5-15 minutes to playtime as your baby gets older. If your baby stops taking good naps and isn't hungry and isn't sick or in pain, analyze your waketime length.

Reason 4: Wonder Weeks

Wonder Weeks! This is practically a curse word among parents who know the phrase. Wonder weeks are predictable times when babies have fussy times. They might just be grumpy while awake, but they might also just not sleep well. In my opinion, the worst wonder week happens as you lead into week 20 (and can be a month of a lead-in). It is so worth it to know if your baby is in Wonder Week territory. You will still want to look at hunger, sickness, and pain. If those things don't solve it and you are in wonder week time, the answer is usually to just wait it out. Wonder Weeks are kind of like witching hour--there isn't much you can do to change it.

The upside is your child comes out of a wonder week period with new skills and abilities and is back to your sweet little baby.

Reason 5: Development of New Skills
This is often related to Wonder Weeks. As your child learns skills like rolling over, crawling, standing, talking, etc., there will usually be some nap issues that come along with it. Your child will be desperate to practice these skills and does not care in the least that it is supposed to be nap time. Read more on new skills and sleep disruptions here.

Reason 6: Playtime Activities Need to Change
If playtime is not stimulating enough for your child, then your child will not be tired enough for nap. This tends to happen more with older babies on up to toddlers. We are talking 6 months or older. You might need to make playtime more mentally stimulating. You might need to make it more physically stimulating. Exercise and stimulation are very important.

Reason 7: Temperature and Season Changes
My youngest always starts to wake early in the morning or wake in the night when temperatures drop and we don't put warmer pajamas on her.

As the seasons change, so does the sun. If the sun is waking up earlier, it might be waking your child also. You might also not be getting enough sun during the day to regulate normal levels of melatonin, which is what tells your body it is time for bed. This can happen in the winter. 10-15 minutes of sun around noon can help that (for all people, babies up through adults).

Reason 8: Props are Interfering
Some babies start off life just fine using a pacifier, but around 3ish months, the pacifier starts to be a problem rather than a help. There are a lot of props you may have used for the newborn time period that is doing more harm than good in the baby period. Take a look at the different props you use and see if it is time to get rid of them. This can include swings, swaddles, pacifiers, rocking, sleep location, etc. You don't need to feel bad for having used any of these things, but you do need to honestly evaluate their impact now.

Reason 9: You Changed Something

Has something changed in your baby's life recently? Are you stretching out waketime length? Are you asking for more flexibility? Did you just go on vacation? Has the weather changed your normal routine? Looking at what changed around the time the naps went bad can often give you the solution you are looking for. You need to look back about 3-4 weeks before naps went sour, also. Sleep Deficit takes time to develop.

Reason 10: Your Baby Needs a Bigger Diaper

This one is almost too simple. Your baby might be waking simply because he or she needs a larger diaper. This might be just for night or it might be day, also.

Conclusion
These reasons listed above are all very common reasons for having night sleep issues. I have experienced all of them over the course of my mothering years, and I am sure you will, too! For even more ideas, see my Sleep Problems Index.

Valerie is the mother of four and blogs at babywisemom.com. She is also the co-author of Babes, Tots, and Kids, a preschool curriculum book for babes through preschoolers.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

how nova slept through the night

When Duke was close to turning 1, I gathered all of my information and notes on his night sleep and wrote this long, detailed post. I wanted to write out how he achieved his night sleep in hopes that other readers would use it as a resource. (Turns out, that is my 2nd most read post of all time! The people obviously want some sleep!)

Duke was a by-the-book Babywise baby. He was sleeping 8 hours by 8 weeks and operated well with a dream feed that gradually moved back over time. He had crazy newborn nights like every baby, but once he found his rhythm and fell into 7-8 hours of sleep each night, he never went back.

But when Nova was born, the information from that post wasn't very helpful. I figured I'd just do things how I did them with Duke, but that wasn't going to work for her. I had a pretty rough start with her because of nursing issues, so trying to navigate a whole new road to sleep on top of that was hard.

Although I thought it would never happen, we did eventually achieve wonderful nights of sleep. Just as I did with Duke, I wanted to map out exactly how Nova started sleeping through the night.

Before we start, here's a little "internet mom code" lesson for those of you who are unfamiliar:
DF - dream feed
MOTN - middle of the night
CIO - cry it out
STTN - sleeping through the night

The tips I gave at the beginning of my post about Duke still hold true, in my opinion. So I'll just quote it word for word. Here's how we started:

First, the eat/wake/sleep pattern needs to be in place. Routine first makes a schedule happen later.

Weeks 1-4, feed when your baby indicates. Don't stress out about a strict schedule, but do aim for every 2.5-3 hours. If your baby is sleeping and it would make him go past the 3 hour mark, wake your baby to feed. Once you get to the night time, continue operating like this. From what I read and was told, you don't want your baby sleeping more than 4-5 hours at a time those first 4 weeks. At this age, Duke never went longer than that on his own. He had no problem letting me know when he wanted to eat at night. :)

(Also, refer to this post for more tips on how to begin Babywise with a newborn.)

After about a month, depending on your baby's weight gain and pediatrician's instructions, a lot of the time, you can let your baby sleep as long as they'd like at night.

When we arrived at the 1 month milestone with Nova, I began to implement a consistent morning waketime, just as I did with Duke. I aimed to get that first feed in anywhere between 8-8:45 a.m. So, if she woke around 6:30 a.m. or later, I'd try to hold her off by rocking her with a paci. Most of the time, she'd fall right back asleep and we'd sleep in the recliner until 8 something. If she wouldn't calm down, I'd feed her. Then, I'd wake her back up in the 8-8:45 a.m. time period and do her first morning feed.

I'll give you a few quick sleeping milestones that we hit along the way:
At 5 weeks, she did one night of 6 hours.
At 8 weeks, she did one night of 7 hours.
At 2 months, she did one night of 9 hours.

Those were all one time deals. She'd do an amazing stretch and then things went back to how they were, which was 4-5 hours between feedings. And sometimes that wasn't even guaranteed! It was frustrating because I knew she could go longer, but I wasn't sure how to get her there. It didn't feel like we were progressing at all.

At 10 weeks, I was about to lose it. I had to try something else, so I did 2 things.

1. A friend of mine suggested something she did with her daughter, so I decided I'd give it a try. I kept a consistent bedtime feed, but didn't focus on a consistent morning feed. Why? Because typically, I'd wake her in the 8 o'clock hour and she was just not ready to eat. She'd barely eat, maybe 2 ounces, and that set us up for a wonky day. She'd take a short nap because she didn't get a full first feed, and the day would continue like that. So I decided that whenever she woke up, we'd start the day. As I look back on my feeding schedules, this meant she started her days anywhere from 6:50 a.m. - 8:30 a.m.

2. No more dream feed. I fed sometime around 8-9 p.m. at night and then put her to bed. That DF (which worked so well with Duke) was interrupting her sleep, so I cut it out.

I started those 2 things simultaneously and I saw instant improvement. Just like that, she went to just waking once at night. Still not awesome, but much better than a DF and a MOTN feeding.

At 11.5 weeks, I decided we had to be done with MOTN feedings. Here's how I knew she was ready:

1. She was gaining well.
2. She barely spit up. (I include this because Duke had awful reflux and that affected his weight gain and the amount of time he could sleep before needing to eat again.)
3. Her first morning feed was always bad. Most of the time, she'd take 2 ounces and be done. She was barely even interested in eating. That told me that her MOTN feeding was not necessary. She was eating because she could, but not because she needed it.

So we did what was next on our list: cry it out. (If you'd like to know how CIO is done correctly and in a beneficial way, email me and I'd love to discuss it!)

Night one of CIO, she woke around 3 a.m. She wasn't really even crying; it was more of an oops-I'm-awake-so-I-guess-I'll-fuss kind of thing. After a few minutes, she went right back to sleep. And I actually had to wake her that morning at 8:15 a.m.! She did 11 straight hours without a feeding. The next night, no waking at all. She slept 10.5 hours straight. The next, 11 hours. The trend continued and she slept anywhere from 10.5-12 hours each night. No waking. That's with one night of CIO. It's like her little body just needed to be convinced that eating in the MOTN wasn't necessary. As a result, her first morning feeding was better, her schedule started to become more predictable, and I was finally getting to STTN!

When it comes to STTN, every baby has their own journey. What has worked for my two children may not work for yours and vice versa. It's important to give yourself grace as you figure out what works best for your baby. And if you're in the trenches of sleep-deprivation and feeling like you'll never sleep again, know that your time is coming!

Thursday, January 15, 2015

BFBN: managing multiple babywise schedules

Today is Babywise Friendly Blog Network day! I posted over on Elaine's blog about how Nova slept through the night. The process with her looked very different than with Duke, so I wanted to map out how that worked for us. Read the entire post here!

Emily has posted here and has some great things to share on having multiple children and managing the schedules that come with it. She offers some really helpful insight and words of encouragement. Enjoy!

Managing Multiple Babywise Schedules

by Emily from The Journey of Parenthood

I will never forget what it was like when my first baby was born. How overwhelming everything seemed and how lost I felt. Then I read Babywise for the first time. I had clarity and a focus and decided to implement a sleep routine for our home. It was tough, at first, to get everything figured out. It was tricky to stay consistent and to keep my baby on that set schedule. It was hard work but it was work that was worthwhile.

Then I added a second child...and now a third one into the mix. Staying on schedule with one child was tricky...but with three?!?!

Many people assume as I add more children to my family that I will "give up on that Babywise stuff." That I will decide it's too hard to keep them on all their schedules and I will just go with the flow and not worry about set naps and feeding times. This couldn't be further from what has actually happened. As I've added more children to my home, I've only seen more benefits of Babywise and have only become more consistent in keeping my baby on a schedule.

Having multiple children means multiple schedules. However, it's only for a short time period. Once I start implementing a schedule (when the baby is 2 weeks old) all my kids start the day at the same time. The baby nurses at 7:00 and the older two wake up and start the day at 7:00. Now that my third baby is 5 months old she has her afternoon nap at 1:00. Which is the same time my 3 year old naps and my 5 year old naps (using the term "napping" loosely here for the 5 year old...he mostly just rests and reads during this time). Once the baby turns a year old they have their mealtimes with the rest of the family so even that becomes easier! Really keeping all my children on their schedules isn't as tricky as people assume. Usually the days run smoothly for us all at this point!

So much of implementing Babywise is remembering that it's only for a season. The early days are tough with a newborn but they get easier. And when you have multiple children, the days of their schedules not matching up are also numbered. For me personally, it's the hardest to deal with all of the schedules when the baby is under two weeks old and not on any type of schedule at all. Feeding on demand is the most stressful time for me. I'm not able to plan the day and I'm not able to know that I will be available to help my older children for their scheduled activities. For example, I may need to make their lunch but can't because baby is nursing. It may be time for them to go bed but I can't tuck them in because baby is nursing. Thankfully, I've been blessed to have help during the early newborn stage! I have my helpers (my mother in law and my husband are amazing!) take care of the older children so I'm able to focus on taking care of myself and the baby.

The best piece of advice I always give to Babywise moms who are expecting their second child is to keep the focus on the baby. I know it's hard because you worry about the older child's feelings. You want to keep things as normal for them as possible and you want to make sure they still feel special etc. I have three children and have yet to deal with any jealously issues when I've introduced a new sibling to our home. Yes, I focus on the baby. But that doesn't mean I neglect the other children. Having special time with their daddy and grandmother is a treat (and it allows me to focus on the baby)! They get to watch many more movies when a new baby is at home (when I'm nursing and need something for them to do!). They get a little "spoiling" by getting to stay up late sometimes (when I'm nursing and can't put them to bed on time). And they still get a TON of one-on-one time with Mommy. Babies sleep...a LOT and when the baby is sleeping it allows for that time to spend with the older children.

In order of importance, the baby needs to come first when it comes to scheduling. For example: All of my kids nap at 1:00. It's the most important for the infant to be put down for nap at the exact right time so I don't miss the sleepy window! So I put her to bed first. Then I tuck in the 3 year old as her nap is still critical for her to have a happy attitude the rest of the day. Lastly, I tuck in the 5 year old. He doesn't even really need the sleep and it's fine if he goes down late for nap. Same with bedtime. If the older kids stay up a little late in order to accommodate the baby, it's fine. They are old enough to be flexible and can adjust. Even meal times are also easily flexible for them. If my husband is gone at work and I have to nurse the baby at 7:00 in the morning then I go ahead and wake the big kids up earlier and have their breakfast ready for them to eat while I'm nursing.

By keeping the focus on the baby's needs during their first year of life it allows for more enjoyment for us all. I know it seems like a big sacrifice that my children spend a lot of time at home while the baby naps. But it pays off so quickly. While I'm pregnant I try to get them gifts during holiday seasons that include fun things to enjoy at home once the baby arrives. I try my best to have a variety of activities for us to do while the baby is napping. By putting the baby first and staying consistent with the baby's schedule, I then have a baby who sleeps WELL. And a good sleeping baby allows for that quality time with my other children. It also means when the baby is awake that she is happy and content and we are able to go and do things during her awake times (once they are long enough to actually go out!) and she will be easy to take care of which also allows for more fun for the entire family.

Babies' schedules change often. I physically write out the baby's schedule as well as the schedules of the older children. I then match them up and rework things as needed. Meal times may change for awhile for the older kids. Sometimes our family dinner may have to happen at 5:00 because I will have to nurse the baby at 5:30. Then the schedule will change and the older kids may have to take their baths prior to dinner because I will have to be nursing the baby at 6:30. My children have had no issues with these temporary changes in their schedules and they easily go back to our normal routine once the baby is older enough where the schedules match up better.

Scheduling benefits everyone in our family. While it may be tricky to make things work when we add a new baby to our home, it becomes easier as they get older and the time period of sacrificing for the baby is short-lived. If you are adding a new baby to your home, do not be discouraged and do not feel overwhelmed! Just focus on the baby's needs and everything else will fall into place. Before you know it the craziness of multiple scheduling will become second nature and you will be adjusted to your new normal :)

Thursday, December 11, 2014

BFBN: the pros and cons of formula and breastfeeding

It's Babywise Friendly Blog Network week! All of us will be sharing posts on different aspects of feeding. Here's the schedule for the week:

Monday: Valerie www.babywisemom.com
Tuesday: Elaine www.faithfullyinfertile.com
Wednesday: Emily www.journeyofparenthood.com
Thursday: Claire www.mydevising.com

Not formula versus breastfeeding. Not formula or breastfeeding. Formula and breastfeeding.

I was extremely lucky and blessed to have breastfed my first child, Duke, with basically no problems. I nursed him for a year and I fully intended to do that with my daughter, Nova, when she arrived this past May. After trying everything, I decided to give it up and feed formula starting at 2 months. Mourning the loss of breastfeeding was hard and I was very disappointed. It can still be a sad thing for me to think about, but for the most part, I see the blessing in it.

I've discovered that there are pros and cons to both breastfeeding and formula feeding. In today's post, I represent both sides.

CONVENIENCE

Breast milk is in my body. That's pretty dang convenient. I don't have to lug stuff around to feed my child.

I don't have to lug around a hooter hider or worry about the issues that come with nursing in public (which are silly anyway). I just need a bottle, formula, and some warm water. The only time this wouldn't be convenient is if there was no access to water around me. But then again, why would I be hanging out somewhere where there's no access to water? Anyway, it's easy.

RESPONSIBILITY

I love knowing that I am the sole provider of my baby's nourishment. It's such an honor and there's such value in giving that to him. I love having that responsibility and knowing I'm the only one that can truly satisfy my baby.

I love not being the only one responsible for feeding this baby girl! It's wonderful that her dad, grandparents, uncles, aunt, etc. can all feed her. It's such a weight off of my back and allows for some really sweet bonding for her with other people.

NOT THINKING

I don't like to think. So when I have to get somewhere in a hurry, I don't have a huge list of things I have to bring to make sure my baby isn't screaming and hungry. I just need my body. I don't need to count ounces or decide when to start adding more to a bottle. My body makes what he needs and I love it that way.

I never have to wonder how much my baby is getting. I know exactly when something is off. Rather than it being a mystery of "how long baby nursed," I can see with my own 2 eyes how many ounces have been consumed. It's not a guessing game and I love that.

MONEY

$0 for breast milk is great.

Paying for formula sucks. The end.

PUMPING

I hate pumping. I hate having to calculate my pump sessions so I have enough stocked up for when I'm going to miss feedings.. There's not anything great about pumping; we all just suck it up and do it because we have to.

I cannot describe to you the joy I feel when I think about not having to use a pump or "prepare" for being gone.

NIGHT FEEDINGS

I love that all I have to do is walk into the nursery and start feeding. There's no prep to the night feedings.

It's really great not being the only one who can get up and do a night feeding. How awesome was it to roll over and tiredly say, "Colt, can you just do this one?" Really awesome.

SLEEP

Duke slept through the night sooner than Nova, doing 8 straight hours at 8 weeks.

Nova didn't sleep through the night as soon, but at 12 weeks, she was doing 11 hours, which was several months sooner than Duke did 11 hours.

(I'm including this to show that sleeping milestones aren't always dependent on what you're feeding your baby.)

CONCLUSION

There are things on both sides that I've enjoyed and dreaded. There are specific nursing sessions with Duke that will forever be in my memory. But there is also an enjoyment to this baby season with Nova that I didn't experience with Duke. The pumping was a drag with Duke, yet it's really annoying to bust out the $$$ for Nova's formula.

It's important that we stand proudly in our decisions, including feeding decisions. But if that pride starts convincing us that there is only one way to do things, then it's gone to far. So, should you formula feed or breastfeed? Well, there are easy things and hard things with both options. Your decision has to be based on what you want and what you feel works best for your baby, family, and lifestyle. There is not one answer. Both formula and breast milk are needed to make the world go round.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

BFBN: pumping, storing, and using breastmilk

http://www.journeyofparenthood.com/2014/12/pumping-storing-and-using-breast-milk.html

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

BFBN: parent directed feedings

Monday, December 8, 2014

BFBN: 10 mealtime policies for children

Thursday, November 13, 2014

BFBN: STTN summary - a tale of four children

Today is Babywise Friendly Blog Network Day. I'm writing on Emily's blog about why I loved having a birth photographer. Check it out here! I am so excited that Valerie is here posting today. I asked her if she could summarize how each of her children got to sleeping through the night. I feel like it's so hard realizing that every kid really is different, especially in this area. There is no magic formula! I hope you'll find encouragement in knowing that every baby achieves it in a different way and at a different time. Read and enjoy!

STTN Summary: A Tale of Four Children

by Valerie Plowman

Claire asked that I share with you how I achieved sleeping through the night (STTN) for all of my children. Let me start by saying that I largely just followed the outline of On Becoming Babywise and had faith that when my baby was ready, STTN would happen. I believed that if I did my part in the day, things would work out at night. This is by and large true. There are, however, extenuating factors that can delay that magical day when STTN becomes the norm. Here are my stories and what I learned from each child.

Brayden--now age 9
STTN age: 6 months

With Brayden, we didn't start following Babywise at all until around four weeks and not fully until around 9 weeks. Because of our 9 week late start, I fully prepared myself to be 9 weeks behind the promises of what can happen with Babywise.

Brayden started sleeping through the night right around 6 months old (just before). Here is the crazy thing: he did it while on vacation several states away (and we live in the West, so several states away is a long way). This is counter-intuitive, right? A baby shouldn't be improving sleep while on vacation; he should be having some sleep setbacks while on vacation. Everyone knows that. So I decided I needed to take some hard looks at what was different between our home and my great-aunt's home where we were staying.

The number one difference between our homes was that it was much warmer in my aunt's home. The second main difference was that Brayden had more privacy--we weren't quite in different rooms, but he wasn't right by us. In our home, he was right by us (our "room" in my great-aunts house was literally more square feet than our first apartment). We were remodeling a house at the time while living in it and none of us had a bedroom--we were sleeping in the main family room area. It was an open floor plan and the entire main floor was open, which meant drafty. It also meant we could all hear each other.

When we got home from that trip, I decided the best way to duplicate the environment at my aunt's house was to move Brayden into the bathroom. We could close the door, which would mean it would be warmer. It also meant he wouldn't hear every peep we made and we wouldn't hear every peep he made.

It worked! For the next six months until we moved, he slept in the bathroom. And through the night. Happiness all around.

Something to note, I didn't really notice the concept of a "dreamfeed" or "late evening feed" with Brayden, so this STTN was from bedtime to morning waketime.

Key things I learned:

If your baby is older than "should" be for STTN and isn't, really consider factors that might be preventing your baby from STTN. It is good to be patient, some babies do take longer than you would expect, but you don't want to ignore some simple fix that could improve the situation. I have a post with common reasons for a baby not sleeping through the night: Nighttime Sleep Issues.
If your baby is cold at night, he will not sleep well.
As I look in retrospect, he was sleeping from bedtime to morning waketime at a younger age than both Kaitlyn and McKenna--he just had no dreamfeed. So realize that if you have no dreamfeed, your baby will likely wake during your night longer than a baby who has a dreamfeed.

Kaitlyn--now age 7
STTN age: 4 months

When Kaitlyn came along, I was a huge believer in the ways of Babywise, so I intended to start from the beginning. She came with a challenge, however. Kaitlyn was diagnosed with reflux. Oh how reflux changes the game.

Kaitlyn slept through the night right around the end of 3 months old/beginning of 4 months old. Kaitlyn loved to sleep. She was a great sleeper who was a natural at it. There were many times she woke in pain because of reflux, but her love of sleep really helped her sleep through the night earlier than most babies with reflux do (along with, of course, our adherence to Babywise principles). I stuck to our day routine and she naturally slept through the night on her own right around 3/4 months.

At the time, Kaitlyn had a dreamfeed, so her STTN was from dreamfeed until morning wakeup time. I kept the dreamfeed until 7 months old.

Key things I learned with Kaitlyn:

Babies with reflux (and I transfer that to a baby in pain for any reason) will very likely take longer to STTN than they would otherwise. More patience is needed. For more on reflux, see Babywise and Reflux.
Some babies are more natural sleepers than others. Brayden fought sleep from birth while Kaitlyn embraced it. You will have to work harder with babies who love to sleep than you will have to work with babies who do not love to sleep.

McKenna--now age 5
STTN age: 9 weeks

When McKenna was born, I quickly recognized that I had another baby who loved to sleep on my hands. She was a very natural sleeper who didn't need CIO ever to learn to sleep. I could put her in her bed awake from the first day and she would go right to sleep.

McKenna started STTN when she was 9 weeks old. I was so excited! Then the next week, she woke a couple of nights in the night again. My determination was that it was due to colder nights and her being cold. She went back and forth a few times, but for the most part was STTN at 9 weeks. At the time, we did cluster feeding and we also did a dreamfeed, so this STTN was with a dreamfeed. We dropped the dreamfeed at 29 weeks (around 7 months--she was ready sooner, but we moved right around when she was ready and I didn't want to change things up at the same time as a move). You can go here to read my newborn summaries to get full details of how the roller coaster went.

McKenna was pretty textbook. Even so, I learned some things:

Cluster feeding can really help facilitate STTN.
McKenna was a very small baby at birth--a low 6 pounder. Small babies often take longer to STTN. Babies are often around 12 pounds or so when they start STTN (not always, but often).

Brinley--now age 2
STTN age: 8 weeks

Brinley wasn't here long before I realized that she is very similar to Brayden in the sleep department. She doesn't love sleep like Kaitlyn and McKenna love sleep. Even so, I started Babywise from day one like I had my other girls. And like McKenna, she never had to CIO to learn to sleep on her own.

Brinley was also a small baby at birth. She slept through the night at 8 weeks old. This was with a dreamfeed and no cluster feeding. She was the type who started sleeping through the night and never really looked back. She just did it. When Brinley was 18 weeks old (right around 4 months), we dropped the dreamfeed. I like having the dreamfeed longer than that, but it started to disrupt her sleep so that she started waking early in the morning, so I dropped the dreamfeed and that fixed the early waking.

Key things I learned with Brinley:

Even if a baby doesn't love to sleep, she can still be an amazing sleeper. I did know that with Brayden, but I had to work hard to get him there. With Brinley, I also worked hard but worked hard from the beginning and never had to fight her at all. "Start as you mean to go on" will make your life easier, and your baby's life easier!
Making sacrifices to establish good sleep patterns is worth it. It isn't popular among a lot of family members who have high expectations. But let me say this. Unless you have a young baby at the moment, you do not remember how sensitive they are to being overly tired. Unless you are a mother of said baby, you do not know what it is like to have to try to help baby through the disruptions. People forget. We had family members who couldn't remember our policies between babies, much less what it was truly like for them to have babies. Your first priority is to your baby's needs. Some babies are more flexible than others. Some can handle disruptions better than others. Do what you feel is best for your baby. Explain it. Explain that the baby won't be a baby forever. Explain that you don't love having to miss things sometimes. Even with those explanations, family members aren't always nice and understanding (even if they acknowledge that they were the same way as you when they had young babies). See my post Dealing with Difficult Family Members for more. You can also see Balancing Baby's Needs With Family's Needs, Baby Joins a Family {AND} Family Adds a Baby, and Welcoming Baby to the Family.

Good luck as you move toward sleeping through the night. Remember that consistency in your days will immensely help your nights to be smoother. Remember to be patient, but also mindful of things you can change. Your baby will get there!

Valerie is the mother to four and blogs at www.babywisemom.com.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

BFBN: walking with God when you're disappointed in him

Today is Babywise Friendly Blog Network day and Rachel is sharing about walking with God when you're disappointed. This is a relevant topic in my life right now, so I love that she took the time to reflect on her own experience.

Walking with God when you’re disappointed in Him

By Rachel Norman, A Mother Far from Home

It hurt me to type that sentence. “Walking with God when you are disappointed in Him.” Surely that is wrong. Sinful. Horrible. I must be the worst Christian around to admit that God has disappointed me.

Or else I’m just human.

Our view of God is molded by our own family life, childhood experiences, personal encounters, and our beliefs and value systems. We can grow up with loving families, happy childhoods, and bright future plans, and then life can still happen.

Illnesses, painful relationships, bad choices, sin against us, and pain. We often think being a Christian and following God will mean our life is rosey and wholesome filled with potluck dinners, saving the lost, and miracles. And sometimes it is. Then again… sometimes it’s not.

So how do we push through with God when we’re disappointed in Him?

1. We acknowledge we don’t always hear correctly.

I’ve often been disappointed in God because I’ve assumed He promised me something He didn’t promise me. I was disappointed with God for months because I thought he promised me this stud muffin of an Argentinian named Sebastian. In turn, I let myself be led on by someone who obviously wasn’t really into me. All because I thought God promised him to me.

Come to find out, Sebastian had a few flings going on. So I became disillusioned with God. How could I ever trust I’d hear from God when I was so wrong? How could He let me believe something that was untrue?

Ultimately, I had to accept the fact that I hear God through my own humanness, and sometimes I get it wrong.

2. We are honest with God.

I’d say God is like one of those punching bag clowns that gets knocked down and comes right back up again, except God can’t get knocked down no matter how hard we punch Him. Real relationships require honesty from the heart. If you stuff all your feelings of pain, disappointment, and confusion then you won’t have a genuine relationship with Him going forward.

You won’t be able to trust or have faith in Him. You’ll doubt He loves you. You’ll doubt He cares or listens. When you are honest about your pain, hopes deferred, and expectations dashed, He can meet you where you are and speak to your heart. It’s a process. But it only starts with honesty.

3. We keep going past the point of no return.

At one point I looked at my life and thought, “Mercy me, how did I get here?” I was going to go to law school at the University of Florida (my alma mater) and be a successful attorney who also worked tirelessly for charities. Now I’m in Australia staying at home with 3 kids working a job I don’t need a degree for. I’m not unhappy with where I’m at, but it is not where I planned.

I followed where I though God led me until I was past the point of no return. Now, if I tried to find my way back to the life I thought I’d have, it just wouldn’t even be possible. And honestly, I find safety in that.

4. We choose to trust in the bigger picture.

When we feel God has disappointed us it’s hard to trust. Before we can truly begin to trust God with every fiber of our being, we have to be honest before God and let Him comfort us. From that place of acceptance of the unknown, we must simply choose to trust Him.

Sometimes on a minute-to-minute basis, we must choose to trust God over our own emotions. It doesn’t mean we ignore how we feel or pretend we’re in some great spiritual place. We just choose to stay on the path.

5. Accept our season.

After reading great Christian literature and hearing many great godly speakers, I can only assume that dry spiritual seasons are a rite of passage. Have you ever read a biography of someone who did great things for God and hear only pages and pages of miracles, answered prayers, and still waters?

No. In fact, before, during, and after the miracles, answered prayers, and still waters there are unanswered prayers, deaths of dreams, visions or loved ones, and turbulent seas and storms. Through trying times God works on our characters. He chisels, purifies, and refines. It’s not a bad sign to be in a dry season just as a leafless tree in winter isn’t permanently dead.

We need to pick each other up, let each other be real, and encourage one another towards the bigger picture. Glorifying God in our lives. It’ll look different at different times, and that’s okay. Life isn’t always rosy. If it was, we wouldn’t need Jesus.

Rachel blogs at A Mother Far from Home and has a podcast called Create a Haven, Not a Crazy House where she gives practical tips for mothers and homemakers.

MY DEVISING