BFBN: why love languages matter

Today is the Babywise Friendly Blog Network's Pinterest Day and our topic is love languages.

I haven't officially ever read The 5 Love Languages, but I have heard it referenced in marriage workshops and I'm familiar with the concept.  Colt always jokes that I actually have all of them.  So a couple of days ago, I took The 5 Love Languages test.  You guys, the computer doesn't lie.  I'm kind of all of them.  Or I'm kind of 3 of them, which may as well be all of them as far as Colt's concerned.  With the highest score being 12, this is how I ranked:

8 RECEIVING GIFTS

7 QUALITY TIME

7 WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

4 ACTS OF SERVICE

4 PHYSICAL TOUCH

This particular combination of results is also known as:  "Don't touch me, just buy me things!"

As I was taking the test, I had a really hard time comparing the two scenarios and choosing which one fit me best.  Almost every question stumped me.  (Can't I just have love shown to me in all of those ways 100% of the time?  Is that too much to ask?)  But the results are so right.  I love getting gifts from Colt.  For being such a plain, anti-floral person, I love getting flowers from Colt.  I love the silly things too - like when he buys me my favorite candy or gets me a coke.  The amount of money spent is irrelevant.  Gifts mean the most to me because it shows that he was away from me, thought about me, and chose something just for me based on how much he knows and loves me.

But along with figuring out how you best receive and interpret love from someone, it's important to know what the other person needs.  A lot of times, what we give isn't really what they want.  It's what we want.   Because I want gifts, I love giving gifts as well.  I find myself giving gifts to Colt pretty often.  We were talking about this and I said, "So buying you something special doesn't really do much for you?"  He smiled and said that he'd much rather receive encouraging words from me.  These were his results:

9 WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

8 ACTS OF SERVICE

7 QUALITY TIME

4 PHYSICAL TOUCH

2 RECEIVING GIFTS

This particular combination of results is also known as:  "I don't want your money, just tell me how awesome I am!"

If I want Colt to feel loved, I have to tell him with my words.  I think a lot of really good things about him throughout the day, but sometimes I forget to verbalize them.  I forget to say, "Thanks for always taking the trash out.  Thanks for getting up so early to go to work even after you stayed up late with me the night before so we could get in some quality time.  You're a really good dad and I see how you come home from work and immediately jump in with the kids."  I already think the words of affirmation, but I have to be sure and say them.

If you haven't ever taken this test, I think it's worth your time.  We may hear our spouses constantly ask for something they need, but when we see on paper that they actually do need it, it kind of changes our minds.  Knowing how we can love and serve our partners is a wonderful thing.