the 7 year itch

As it pertains to relationships, "The 7 Year Itch" implies that after 7 years, there is a decline in happiness and satisfaction.

Colt and I celebrated 7 years on October 10th and I would say that this year has been challenging.  It's been the most challenging.  Adding our 2nd child into the mix and dealing with the stress (and excitement) of a job change resulted in full plates.  For several months last year, we were both running on empty and it was just enough to keep ourselves going, let alone be concerned with the other.  We saw the affects of this, worked hard to get over the hump, and are more in love and respect each more than ever before.  These are some of the things that were highlighted for me in this past year of marriage, either through the lens of our own marriage or by examining the idea of marriage as a whole.

MARRIAGE IS A TEAM EFFORT

In our philosophy of marriage, there aren't many things that are viewed as "separate."  There is no yours and mine.  The kids are ours.  The house is ours.  The money is ours.  The decisions are ours.

One of my favorite things Colt says is, "Hey Team!" as he bursts in the door from work every day.  It's an instant reminder that this is not a me against him kind of scenario.  It's not about who had the hardest day or who is shouldering the most stress.  It's not a competition.  I don't have to defend why staying home with our kids full-time is an actual job that requires actual work.  He doesn't have to defend why running a company, while exciting and filled with some great opportunities, is hard and holds a lot of responsibility.

When you have husbands and wives who are loving and respecting each other, there's no need to pull rank or prove worth.  No role is more important than the other.  We are a team.

MARRIAGE NEEDS (THE RIGHT) COMMUNITY

Most marriages we see in Hollywood are short-lived.  A lot of marriages we see portrayed on our TV screens are boring.  (Except for marriages on Parenthood.  That show wins the real life portrayal award.)  And beyond that, sex in marriage on TV is portrayed as comical, completely lacking of passion, and possibly even non-existent.  It matters who we listen to and who we watch.  If you take your cues from pop culture, you'll probably see your marriage as mundane and unexciting.  If you're surrounded by other couples who are loving each other fiercely and experiencing the satisfaction that comes with it, then you'll be encouraged and pushed in your own relationship.

One of my most favorite moments in our marriage will forever be when we went to California with the Watsons back in February.  We had a good, long talk about our marriage.  Things were fine, but they could've been better.  We weren't okay with okay.  This conversation was the perfect example of why community is important when it comes to marriage.  We were not designed to be happily married on our own without any help or accountability.  That's just asking for problems.  They asked us hard questions, we heard each other say things we didn't know the other thought, we apologized, and we talked about what was next.  (If you've never talked about the deep parts of your marriage with another couple, I strongly encourage you to do so.  We have several couples in our lives in which we can mutually confide in one another.  You'd be surprised to know what you find yourself and your spouse expressing in the company of other married folks you love and trust.  There's a safety and freedom that comes from that kind of conversation that you sometimes can't get to when it's just the two of you.)

While there is a certain privacy that should be kept between husbands and wives in marriage, there is also plenty of room to invite others in.  I would maybe even venture to say that community is not just a good idea, it's a necessity to having a beautiful, functioning, loving marriage.

MARRIAGE IS A CHOICE

I love the easy, perfect times of marriage but those don't come without being willing to fight through the hard, frustrating times.  Difficult things get thrown your way, but the bottom line is that marriage is a choice and love is a choice.  (This is not an anti-divorce statement.  There are plenty of circumstances when that is the best thing for all involved.)  You either push through or you give up.  You either choose to love someone else or you choose to love your spouse.  I know that's not popular in our "do what you feel and do what comes natural" society, but it's the truth. 

MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK

We are surrounded by convenience in our world.  Sometimes I think we let that bleed over into relationships.  If this relationship is hard work, then maybe it's not meant to be or maybe I just shouldn't be a part of it anymore.  But anything great and rewarding in life requires a fight.  Our marriages are worth fighting for. 

MARRIAGE IS KIND OF A BIG DEAL

Okay, actually marriage is one of THE biggest deals.  When I think about important decisions, I think about choosing to follow Christ first and then I think about marrying Colt.  You do not want to mess this "who am I supposed to marry?" deal up.  You do not want to marry someone because everyone else is doing it or because it seems like the next step or because you think it will fix your problems.  Those are really bad reasons for getting married.  I promise you - the heartache of calling off a wedding, sending back presents, and explaining what happened does not compare to the heartache of a failed marriage.

I knew at 22 when I married Colt that he was my person.  I knew with my whole heart that God was in it and that I would never find anyone else like Colt, and I didn't want to!  But now, I know all of that even more.  I can't imagine a better partner and I'm so thankful for Spirit's guidance and the support/encouragement from my friends and family back then.  They affirmed my decision over and over.  If you don't consider it a big deal when you tie the knot, then it will become an even bigger deal years later.  We must choose wisely.

MARRIAGE NEEDS A CENTER

I've got quite a guy.  A man who is the president of Walrus Audio and works hard at what he does.  A man who is a youth pastor on the side at our church and cares for those students deeply.  A man who comes in the door from work, ready to change the poopy diaper that I haven't had a free second to change, ready to keep an eye on the boiling noodles on the stove, ready to wrestle with kids on the couch, ready to hear about my day and encourage me.

Of course, to me, he's the best.  But I know many of you men out there who walk alongside some of my best friends in this same way.  There's only one common denominator and that is the Lord.  He holds marriages together.  He holds people together.  Maybe there's nothing "sexy" about 60 years of marriage, but there is something strong, intense, passionate, enduring, and refining about it.  And that sounds a lot better to me.

I'll admit, when we got married, "keeping God as the center of your marriage" seemed like a cute tagline.  A good idea.  I didn't necessarily grasp the weight of it, but I understood it to somehow be important.  While I think I will continue learning what that means in marriage, I will say that in 7 years, it most definitely is crucial in order to have a thriving marriage.  Same hobbies?  Cool, but not imperative.  Same musical taste?  Fun, but not important.  Same beliefs in God?  Hands down, a must.   

Life will fall apart, things will crumble, and sin will try to creep its way into our marriages.  And when all of those things happen, it matters where each of us run.  It matters that you and your spouse are on the same page spiritually.  Where do you place your happiness?  Where do you place your trust?  Is it you, your spouse, or God?  That makes all the difference. 

MARRIAGE IS MY DREAM

Although we are not perfect by any means, I do feel like we've learned and grown a lot in these past 7 years.  This year has been the hardest and my most favorite year of marriage so far.  It seems counter-intuitive for something to be the best and the worst, but with marriage it is true.  The more challenges we overcome together, the closer we grow.  The more opportunities we are faced with to trust in God and only God, the closer we grow.

When I think about my 22 year old self walking down the aisle on October 10, 2008, what I want to say to her is this:

"Wow.  You kind of have no idea what you're doing, but you are making the absolute best choice.  You have no idea the kind of integrity this man has.  You have no idea how many times he will rescue you.  You have no idea how often he will cover you with prayer.  You have no idea how painfully honest he will be.  You have no idea how faithful he will be to you and to God.  You have no idea the kind of father he will be.  While this version of Colt is still quite the catch, you are marrying just a tiny glimpse of who he will become.  Get excited and be so very grateful."

Colt is my dream.  I knew it in 2006 when we started dating and I still know it now.  7 year itch, 7 schmear schmitch.

I love you, Colt.

BFBN: why love languages matter

Today is the Babywise Friendly Blog Network's Pinterest Day and our topic is love languages.

I haven't officially ever read The 5 Love Languages, but I have heard it referenced in marriage workshops and I'm familiar with the concept.  Colt always jokes that I actually have all of them.  So a couple of days ago, I took The 5 Love Languages test.  You guys, the computer doesn't lie.  I'm kind of all of them.  Or I'm kind of 3 of them, which may as well be all of them as far as Colt's concerned.  With the highest score being 12, this is how I ranked:

8 RECEIVING GIFTS

7 QUALITY TIME

7 WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

4 ACTS OF SERVICE

4 PHYSICAL TOUCH

This particular combination of results is also known as:  "Don't touch me, just buy me things!"

As I was taking the test, I had a really hard time comparing the two scenarios and choosing which one fit me best.  Almost every question stumped me.  (Can't I just have love shown to me in all of those ways 100% of the time?  Is that too much to ask?)  But the results are so right.  I love getting gifts from Colt.  For being such a plain, anti-floral person, I love getting flowers from Colt.  I love the silly things too - like when he buys me my favorite candy or gets me a coke.  The amount of money spent is irrelevant.  Gifts mean the most to me because it shows that he was away from me, thought about me, and chose something just for me based on how much he knows and loves me.

But along with figuring out how you best receive and interpret love from someone, it's important to know what the other person needs.  A lot of times, what we give isn't really what they want.  It's what we want.   Because I want gifts, I love giving gifts as well.  I find myself giving gifts to Colt pretty often.  We were talking about this and I said, "So buying you something special doesn't really do much for you?"  He smiled and said that he'd much rather receive encouraging words from me.  These were his results:

9 WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

8 ACTS OF SERVICE

7 QUALITY TIME

4 PHYSICAL TOUCH

2 RECEIVING GIFTS

This particular combination of results is also known as:  "I don't want your money, just tell me how awesome I am!"

If I want Colt to feel loved, I have to tell him with my words.  I think a lot of really good things about him throughout the day, but sometimes I forget to verbalize them.  I forget to say, "Thanks for always taking the trash out.  Thanks for getting up so early to go to work even after you stayed up late with me the night before so we could get in some quality time.  You're a really good dad and I see how you come home from work and immediately jump in with the kids."  I already think the words of affirmation, but I have to be sure and say them.

If you haven't ever taken this test, I think it's worth your time.  We may hear our spouses constantly ask for something they need, but when we see on paper that they actually do need it, it kind of changes our minds.  Knowing how we can love and serve our partners is a wonderful thing.

as the music at the banquet, so are you to me

Our 6 year wedding anniversary has come and gone. 

We celebrated early with a little 24 hour getaway to Tulsa.  We were already hanging out in Stillwater because of Colt's high school reunion, which he helped organized.  (We couldn't have had more opposite high school experiences.) 

After all of the reunion festivities, we headed to Tulsa.  Colt's parents watched the kids overnight - first overnight away since Nova's been born!  We had such a great time.  There was thrift store shopping, eating, sleeping, room service, and lots of good talking.  It's pretty tricky to find time to really talk these days.  Look each other in the eye and really ask how the other person is kind of talking.  This weekend allowed us to regroup and hit the restart button. 

On the actual day of our anniversary, we attended one of our precious friend's weddings.  I had the honor of doing a song for the ceremony that Karlie (my sister) actually sang in our ceremony - "So Are You To Me."  It was a full circle kind of moment.

A sweet mentor in our church said (wrote) some sweet words to me the other day.  Our conversation wasn't technically about marriage, but at the end, she added that Colt is such a good protector for me and that he always has my back.  I couldn't agree more.  One of the best things about being married is that someone is always on your team no matter what.  

Right now, we're in a season of life where we're finding our new normal with 2 kids.  You know how it goes - a quick "Bye, I love you" whispered to me in the morning, a fast dinner as he rushes in the door at 6 p.m. because we have somewhere to be (soccer practice, church, etc.), the default chaos of doing anything with a 3 year old and a 4 month old, the quick drive home to get everyone in bed at a decent hour, tidying up the house, putting dishes away ... and that's that.  Sometimes we squeeze in an episode of a show or some hot tea or whatever, but sometimes we can't.  It's just the season we're in.  I'd say that we're pretty adjusted, but there are some legitimately tough days here and there.

But I told Colt in the car that weekend in Tulsa that I don't think the little-kid-raising phase has to equal a semi-crappy marriage.  Well, it's just the season we're in is true, but I want to fight against it.  We still want to be married well.

Every year of marriage that goes by, a little layer of ourselves gets peeled away.  Every year we learn just a bit more about how we can be better to one another and how we can love better.  We aren't perfect to each other all the time, but we chose each other 6 years ago, so we'll keep working at it.

Thanks, Colt, for holding my heart so well.  I wouldn't want to be doing this life thing, marriage thing, or parenting thing with anyone else but you.

BFBN: 6 things that make our marriage successful

In approaching this Babywise Network "Tips and Tricks" day on marriage, I felt a little silly.  I mean, we've been married for just about 5.5 years, so we're still very much in the beginnings of this whole thing.  While offering advice on marriage would feel weird, telling you some small things that have worked for us doesn't.  We know what keeps things flowing smoothly in our home and what causes immediate misunderstanding, miscommunication, and frustration.  (Clarification:  This doesn't mean we always DO what we know works.)

This is certainly not an exhaustive list of everything we've learned while being married to each other.  However, these were the things that came to the forefront of my mind.

1.  LOOK EACH OTHER IN THE EYES
This may seem kind of "Duh!" but it's really not.  With TVs and iPhones sucking our focus away from each other, we have to be really careful when one of us starts to talk.  The speaker feels most valued when the other has his/her full attention.  And that includes eye contact.

2.  GREET WHEN COMING HOME
This one is mainly important to Colt simply because I am pretty much always at home.  When he walks in the door, it's important for me to stand up/stop what I'm doing, say hi, and give him a hug.  This isn't like a weird 1950's housewife thing.  It's just an easy way I can express to Colt, "Hey, I see you and I appreciate you.  Thanks for your hard work today and I'm really glad you're home."

3.  ASK GOOD QUESTIONS
I loved this post by Momastery about this very thing.  Asking good questions about each others' days is really important.  "How was your day?" is basically begging for a boring, one or two word response.  "What was the best part of your day?" is way better.  We learn more about each other by doing this.

4.  DON'T BE A FIXER
I feel like this is more of a girl thing, but Colt has learned that I do NOT want a fix to my problems.  Sometimes I just want to vent.  I want someone to listen and say, "Man, that's terrible!" not, "Well, here's what you can do ..."  Holding off on all things advice-related is probably always a good idea unless the other person asks for it.

5.  DON'T BE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
If I want help or want Colt to do something, I need to ask.  No passive aggressive stuff.  Colt immediately sees through comments like, "Man, it'd be nice if we could get such-and-such done tonight."  He'd much rather me just flat out ask for help rather than make him guess.

6.  FOCUS ON SERVING, NOT ON BEING SERVED
This is the hardest one.  When we least expect it, we suddenly hit the I-just-can't-serve-you-anymore-because-you're-not-serving-me wall.  This results in a conversation about why we feel this way and how we feel we could better serve/be served.  It's not a fun thing to work on because someone has to go first.  Someone has to serve first.  But working through it and talking about it is always worth it.

What about you married folks out there?  What makes your marriage a success?

 Follow the Babywise Friendly Blog Network Pinterest page for more Tips and Tricks! 

my swollen-lip valentine

 (Colt and I at his work Christmas party this past December.)

I'll never forget our first Valentine's Day together in 2007.  We had been dating for about 2 months and were "official" for about 1 month.

We weren't serious enough to make big plans but we weren't nothing enough to play it cool.  (I mean, in my head we were serious.  I was ready to marry this guy months before he even verbally expressed his interest in me.  This was evident by my many nights crying in the shower, wishing Colt would just love me.  How hard could it be???)

(Turns out, it is kind of hard to love me sometimes.)

Anyway, Valentine's Day was on a Wednesday, which meant Colt had responsibilities leading music for a church in the city.  So evening plans were out.  We rebelliously skipped chapel that day, and he took me to a wonderfully romantic breakfast date at IHOP in Shawnee during the 10:00 hour.

I think I made him a card on construction paper in return for my "quick 2 egg breakfast" he bought me.  Like I said, we were keeping it chill.  Nobody can be TOO into the other at this point. 

We had a great time and I loved spending my morning with him.  (To this day, breakfast dates are some of my favorite dates we go on.  Maybe it's because I love starting my days with him - looking at him, talking with him.  Or maybe it's because I just can't ever get enough hollandaise sauce and hash browns and bacon.  Either way, I love breakfast dates.)

I'd love to have a picture to show you how young and in love we were but I don't.  Mainly because we were carrying razors (not a thing to shave legs but rather to call someone on) as phones and their version of a "camera" was kind of a joke.  But also because Colt's lip was huge that day.  I mean, monumentally huge.  He woke up with a swollen lip and was clueless as to how it got like that.  I was pretty taken aback by it myself.  It was a moment of questioning for me,  do I really like this guy?  Swollen lip and all?  But yes, I did.

(His lip eventually returned to normal and all was well.  We still have no idea what that was all about.)

I don't know what I'd do without Colt.  I just really don't know.  He has played such a role in who I am today.

He's pushed me when I've wanted to give up
He's prayed over my anxious moments
He's held me when I feel like things are falling apart
He's encouraged me when I feel like I'm too small
He's told me how wonderful I am even when I don't deserve it
He's given me a "Jesus with skin on" example

I love my life with you, Colt.  Happy Valentine's Day!

BFBN week: keeping our marriage strong

It's Babywise Friendly Blog Network week!  All week, each of us will be sharing posts on the same topic and directing our readers to the different blogs in the network.  Here's the schedule for the week:

Monday:  Valerie from Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday:  Maureen from Childwise Chat
Wednesday:  Claire from My Devising and Elaine from Faithfully Infertile
Thursday:  Emily from Journey of Parenthood
Friday:  Rachel from A Mother Far From Home

In her post today, Emily talks about how Babywise has helped her keep her promise to put God first, husband second, and children third.  She explains how having her husband turn into more of a roommate than a lover would be an easy trap to fall into.  At the end of her post, she shares five things that allow her to keep her marriage at the core of her family life.  Go check out the rest of her post here!

BFBN week: balancing marriage and parenthood & keeping the crazy to a minimum

It's Babywise Friendly Blog Network week!  All week, each of us will be sharing posts on the same topic and directing our readers to the different blogs in the network.  Here's the schedule for the week:

Monday:  Valerie from Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday:  Maureen from Childwise Chat
Wednesday:  Claire from My Devising and Elaine from Faithfully Infertile
Thursday:  Emily from Journey of Parenthood
Friday:  Rachel from A Mother Far From Home

Today, the Babywise Network is featuring my post today as well as Elaine's post about keeping the crazy to a minimum.  She gives several practical tips for newborn moms to help the family establish order and consistency.  Elaine shares about how Babywise has worked for her family and why she loves it so much.  "Because every activity has its time and place, it is easier to keep priorities where they should be."  No, Babywise doesn't fix everything, but it does lay a good foundation so you can focus on keeping your marriage relationship in high rank of importance.  Read her entire post here!

There's this cute thing some of us do before we become parents:  We have theories and methods and ideas on exactly how we're going to parent because, naturally, it's going to be the best and most revolutionary way anyone has ever parented ever before.

Then we become parents and our world turns upside down and everything is different.  Parenthood is a tough thing to enter into.

But marriage?  That was easy!  Getting married was awesome and fun.  Like any other couple, Colt and I spent our first year figuring each other out.  We didn't live together before we were married, so we had to decide on things like how to put the toilet paper on the roll or what brand of bread we were going to buy or how we were going to decorate and share a space that looked uni-sex enough.  We spent nights arguing about dumb things and going to bed mad and then forgetting what we fought about.

Of course, we've come across much bigger disagreements and conflicts in the past four years than in our first year together.  But the hope with marriage is that you're dealing with another adult.  (Even if you're both not acting like adults.)  It's tough work to move past things.  But with two people who are willing, mature, and able to eventually admit their faults, it can be a functional and life-giving relationship.

Yes, marriage is hard work.  But becoming a parent is like no other work I've ever known.  In a battle of New Marriage vs. New Baby, New Baby wins. 

I used to think adding a baby into your life would be exactly that - just adding one in.  Just throw it into the mix!  But you can't really go on with life as usual - at least for a while.  Nursing, sleep-deprivation, dealing with severe acid reflux, napping schedules, introducing baby food, etc.  It felt like absolute chaos to me.  Getting used to taking care of a child is a pretty unique life transition.  For us, it was a much bigger transition than putting rings on our fingers.

And just when you think you've figured the new baby thing out, you remember something.  There's a guy over there that's helping me with stuff and I think I'm in love with him but I can't quite remember.  Wife can easily get consumed with all things baby and husband can easily get lost in the fog of it all.  Working on your marriage while doing the baby thing is tricky.

I love that Babywise discusses the balance of marriage and family in the very first chapter of the book.

"The husband-wife union is not just a good first step towards child-rearing.  It is a necessary one."  - Babywise

"When there is harmony in the marriage, there is an infused stability within the family.  A strong marriage provides a haven of security for children as they grow in the nurturing process.  Healthy, loving marriages create a sense of certainty for children."  - Babywise

(I don't think I need to clarify this, but I will just in case.  This isn't claiming that children are only secure when two parents are present.  The principles discussed in the book can be applied in all families.)

It's easy to say that your marriage comes first before you actually have kids.  It's harder to carry it out once a baby or toddler is begging for your attention.

In trying to keep our family life marriage-based first and kid-based second, this is what's worked for us:

1.  We talk to each other.  Communication is a must.  If we can't get a moment alone, we explain to Duke that mommy and daddy need to talk for a little bit - whether it's at the dinner table after Duke's finished eating or on the couch while he plays with his toys or after Duke's in bed.  We have to catch each other up on our days.  (And it's not like Duke nods his head delightfully and says, "Yes, mother.  I understand!"  Sometimes it's tricky to get him occupied with another activity, but it's important to us.)

2.  We hug, kiss, and show love to each other in front of Duke.  He needs to know that we aren't just two random people that are here on this earth only to be his parents.  We love that job and wouldn't trade it, but we also love each other and want our relationship as husband and wife to thrive.

3.  We get away.  We go on dates and we go on trips.  And we don't feel guilty about it.  Yes, it's hard and yes, sometimes I've cried, but it's so worth it.  Why?  I still feel like I know and understand Colt.  In fact, I feel like we're communicating better than we ever have.  Dealing with a little stress to get away is worth it.

Obviously, I don't have all the answers.  I've only been a wife for 5 years, mom for 2 years, and I've only got one child.  But for now, from where I stand, this is what keeps our family life balanced.

What works for you?

BFBN week: put your marriage first for the child's sake

It's Babywise Friendly Blog Network week!  All week, each of us will be sharing posts on the same topic and directing our readers to the different blogs in the network.  Here's the schedule for the week:

Monday:  Valerie from Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday:  Maureen from Childwise Chat
Wednesday:  Claire from My Devising and Elaine from Faithfully Infertile
Thursday:  Emily from Journey of Parenthood
Friday:  Rachel from A Mother Far From Home

Maureen talks about the damage that a child-centered lifestyle can do to your marriage.  She says, "Putting the child second is actually putting him first."  I have to say that I completely agree.  It's an encouraging post for those of us who are really working hard and maybe need a little push to keep at making our marriage a priority.  It's not easy, but it's worth it for all involved.

it's been 5 years

Last Thursday, Colt and I celebrated 5 years of marriage.

- I woke up to a precious note and beautiful flowers.  I got him a card and a guitar slide he'd been wanting.
- The 3 of us had lunch at Chick-fil-a.  (Duke loved his time on the slide.)

- We had a very normal night of eating leftovers and hanging out.

But Friday morning, Colt planned a little date since we were leaving for Stillwater later that morning.

(real hot chocolate ... mmm)

We ate breakfast at Kitchen 324 and it was absolutely fabulous.

Later, we went to the mall to spend a Forever 21 gift card I got for my birthday back in July.  Can we please discuss the fact that I didn't get stopped by one attractive clothing item until I made it to the back of the store?  Everything, and I mean everything, was black & white and covered by either a band name, a crazy graphic, or gold studs.  Colt kindly reminded me that it is called Forever 21.  But should 27 really look that drastically different?  I guess so.  I ended up buying a cute sweater that I really liked.  It was a well spent (and easily spent) $20.

Our anniversary celebration this year was nothing extravagant.  No big trip, no expensive steak dinner, no pricey gifts.  But it was just what I wanted.  Time together.  Time with the guy of my dreams and my best friend.

If I could've seen into the future 5 years ago while we stood on that stage, making promises to each other, I would've seen promises fulfilled.

a man who has supported me in some tough years of work

a man who was my untrained (but perfect) birthing coach and encouraged me through 20 hours of natural labor

a man who is a wonderful dad

a man who can hug me and instantly relieve me of pressures from the day

a man who loves me so much that he works very hard so I can stay home with Duke

a man who loves Duke so much that he lets me stay home with him

a man who I admire and love to brag on

a man who loved me through some incredibly painful moments of fear and anxiety

a man who is the very definition of home to me  

There isn't anyone else I'd rather be doing all of this life stuff with.  I love you, Colt.

4 years of marriage

As of today, Colt and I have been married 4 years.

4 years ago, I walked down the aisle with more butterflies in my stomach than I'd ever felt before in my life.  (This is why dads walk their little girls down the aisle.  I'm pretty sure my dad practically carried me.)

 (We are finally married!)

3 years ago, we were barely moved into our first home as a couple.

 (Just a bunch of babies buying a house.)

2 years ago, our lives together felt settled and we were thinking about expanding our family.

(Showing off our awesome moves at Katie's wedding.)

1 year ago, we were just days away from becoming parents.

(Maternity pictures!)

Marriage is a wonderful thing.  I am so blessed to have Colt as my husband and best friend.

our valentine's date

Colt and I got to celebrate Valentine's Day last night.  He surprised me with a dinner/movie date at the Warren Theatre where we saw "The Vow."  This was followed by coffee and dessert at All About Cha, which has one of my most favorite mochas.

Thoughts on the Warren Theatre:  I love watching movies and eating at the same time, so this was a really great fit for me.  And you don't have to do dishes afterwards.

Thoughts on "The Vow":  It was good and I cried.  However, I did feel like it ended abruptly.  I would've liked to see more on Paige coming back to who she really was.  Regardless, it was a good movie and a sweet story.

It was so nice to have a night out with Colt.  We laughed and played and it felt like we were dating again.  Definitely a refreshing time for both of us.

Sara watched Duke and when we got home he was well-fed, bathed, and happy.  After 5 hours away from him, I was so ready to squeeze his little body!

I mentioned a few posts back that I've been having a little trouble dressing myself.  Since Valentine's Day was coming up, I knew I'd need to put myself together for our date.  So where did I go?  Pinterest of course!  I happened to see this picture:

I thought maybe I could do something like this ... minus the "2 cool 4 school"-like expression.  I'm not cool.  And I don't really wear heels.  And I don't own a bright colored pair of pants or a striped top like that.  But I figured my pointy flats, cropped black pants, loose top, and blazer would be close enough.  So, here I am:

It was picture time so, naturally, Duke spit up all over me.  I turned him away so he'd get the rest on the wood floors instead.  Those are much easier to clean.

Anyway, it was fun to get dressed, do my hair, and put on mascara for once.  This is our one picture together for the night.  My forward facing camera on my iPhone produces some kinda bad pictures, but oh well. 

I'm so glad I got to spend some quality time with just Colt.  He is my absolute dream. :)

my two loves

Valentine's Day.  After typing "Valentine's" I read it over and over and now it sounds/looks really weird.  Do you ever do that?  I do it with the word "fork" a lot.

Anyway, some people love it, some people hate it, and some people couldn't care one bit about it (but that's usually a defense for hating it ... not all the time ... but sometimes).  Although it doesn't mean that Colt and I love each other more on this day, it is kind of fun to have a day out of the year where you go a little crazy for each other ... whether it's a bouquet of flowers, sweet note, romantic date, etc.

It was this week last year that I took a pregnancy test and realized it was positive.  Crazy to think that little peanut growing inside of me last year is now almost 4 months old.  I have a feeling that every Valentine's Day from now on I will not only think about my growing love for Colt, but that wonderful feeling of realizing for the first time that I would be someone's mom.

Before I had Duke, I remember people saying, "You have your love for your husband, but it's NOTHING like the love for your child."  I was always confused and annoyed by that.  Are you telling me I'm going to love my child more than my husband??  That's what it felt like anyway.  I didn't like the way that sounded.

Now, I realize they probably meant to say something more along the lines of, "You have your love for your husband, but the love for your child is something totally different."  I would agree with that.  My love for Duke is different than my love for Colt.  There is nothing like carrying a little human for 9 months, birthing him, and living life with him all day every day.  There is also nothing in the world like that moment when a boy reaches over to hold your hand for the first time and knowing that you will be in love with this person forever.

I am lucky to have two Valentines this year.  Both loves are different but both loves are overwhelming.  I am truly grateful today to be a wife to Colt and a mom to Duke. 

Happy Valentine's Day!

garage love

This past Saturday I got one of the best surprises.

Colt had picked me up somewhere that day and we pulled into the garage that afternoon.  I was running my mouth about something and then noticed we were just sitting in the garage.  Colt finally said, "Look."

I looked ahead and noticed there was a plastic ball dangling by a string that was up against my windshield. I don't know if this is just a weird Clifford family thing, but we always had a tennis ball hanging down on both sides of our garage so that whoever pulled into the garage would know exactly where to stop before ramming into a million things.

As I looked closer, on the ball was written, "I ♥ you."

I lost it.  I absolutely lost it.

I know emotions are heightened during any pregnancy, but I think I would have lost it regardless.  I sat there so taken back by his consideration for me and his desire to do something for me.  It was so small but it was so significant.   Thinking about him assembling it all and writing that little message was just the sweetest image in my head.

I was reminded of how much Colt loves me.  It's an amazing thing to be able to be with that one person that is crazy about you the way you are crazy about them.

The crying went on for awhile and, eventually, we got out of the car ... but I thought about that moment the rest of the day.  The best part about this kind of gift is that I will relive that moment everyday from now on.  I see it as I pull out of my garage and I see it as I pull in.

Later that night, we were discussing the day and I said, "So what was your favorite part about today?"  He said, "Your reaction in the garage."  We certainly don't do everything right, but this one moment was done right.  He used his creativity and time to show me in a simple way how much he loved me.  I saw past the simplicity of it, deep down into the attitude and motivation of his heart.  We were both overcome by gratefulness and love for one another.

Love can be shown in the simplest, cheapest, and smallest ways.  The assurance of Colt's love has not been felt more over any fancy steak dinner, expensive gift, or big celebration.  This moment truly overwhelmed me with love.

assumptions

We all make them.

(This picture, taken by Sara, captured a little argument between Colt and me.  Yes, it's from the summer of 2007 and yes, we look awesome.)

I know we've only been married almost 3 years, but I would venture to say that a good chunk of marital arguments stem from making assumptions about one another.

On Sunday, Colt and I were at different churches.  He lead the music at Our Lord's Community Church and I played/sang with my family at Council Road Baptist Church.  I told him that we'll just keep each other updated on what the lunch plans are.  We knew that eating with our friends or eating with my family were both possibilities.  After church, I called him to figure out the plan.  No answer.  He called me back a little bit later and said that we should just eat with my family.  I expressed that I still was unsure of what my family was doing since we were all spread out, talking to different people.  He got a bit frustrated since he was already driving and had no idea where to go.  I got a bit frustrated because I thought it was a bad idea to be driving when you have no destination.

Assumption #1:  Colt assumed that since I spent the morning with my family, I would have discussed the lunch plans and had an answer for him.
Assumption #2:  I assumed that Colt wouldn't start driving around when he hadn't even gotten a firm answer from me on where to go.

Gosh, it sounds simple (and stupid) when it's typed out.  Anyway, arguments are no fun.  But, arguments when you're hungry AND driving in the million degree weather are really not fun.  It lasted way too long, but yes, we finally did resolve our issues and we still love each other.

That night, we hung out with some friends downtown for the Twilight Concert Series.  My friend (who will remain nameless because I didn't ask her if I could tell this story) was talking about how she had asked her husband to get her a bottle of coke to bring to the concert that night.  He walked into the house with a 1 liter bottle of coke.  His reasoning was that this bottle was just 10 cents more than a little bottle, so he wanted to make the most of his money.  Well, she wanted something she could drink in one night and she assumed he knew this.

Of course, no one is really right or wrong in any of these situations; they're all just miscommunications.  They sure are funny to laugh about afterwards though.

Although assumptions can really screw things up in the moment, they certainly are not forgotten by either party.  I can tell you this:  Colt will never bring home white rice from a chinese restaurant again.  He will forever hear in his head, "You didn't get me fried rice??  If I wanted white rice, I would have made it myself!"  See, we're all just learning more and more about each other every day. :)

thoughts on love

I think I was considered the "hopeless romantic" of my friends growing up.  I wanted to be considered that, but it was truly my personality.  I wanted to be rescued by a guy.  I wanted to have the "Wedding Planner" kind of story.  I wanted to have the scene in the movie where I'm driving in the rain, crying, listening to melancholy music, only to be stopped by mr. tall-dark-and-handsome running out in front of my car to stop the love of his life from leaving (soo dramatic).

Well, I suppose I understood a little better in college that those kinds of stories probably weren't in my near future.  In fact, I almost became a little bitter towards the idea of "true love" and "happily ever after."  It's just simply not practical, right?  I had made up my mind my sophomore year that I would probably not get married (again, soo dramatic) and certainly wouldn't get married to anyone from OBU.

It's usually when we make outlandish statements like that when we are proven wrong.

My friend from freshman year had become someone that I had fallen in love with junior year.  It was exciting and it was true love.  I was totally smitten.

We will be married 3 years this October and I love Colt more now than I could have ever imagined.  It doesn't get old, which is just as it should be.  I never appreciated those comments during our engagement like, "Well, you just wait!  You won't be holding hands for long!"  (Advice:  Don't ever be 'that' guy/girl to soon-to-be married couples.  Nobody likes it and you're the only one that thinks you're funny.)

This past week, I've really been thinking about love and marriage and the beauty of it all.  I feel completely blessed to have Colt's love and to be able to love him back.  It's much better than anything you see in the movies or any story you can create in your mind.  No, we're not perfect at love, but it sure is a fun and worthwhile adventure.

my funny valentine

First, a short little story:  My mom saw a Valentine heart ring on top of a cupcake the other night with words on it.  (similar to the candy hearts)  It said, "Text me."  She said, "Welcome to 2011."  I laughed. :)

Colt and I told each other that this year we were not going to be cutesy or do surprises or spend a bunch of money on each other.  We agreed on this.

I woke up this morning to a boy in my face.  He was telling me to get out of bed.  Then, I realized it was Colt.  (It takes me a second to really wake up.)  He told me to come in the kitchen.  Dunkin Donuts!  Oh, how I love donuts.  Coffee and donuts.  I could have it every day.  So, we sat and had a lovely breakfast together.  

We left for work and went our separate ways.  Colt drove my car and planned to take it to Rick Jones during his lunch break.  Yesterday one of my back windows slid down into the car door.  So, I drove his car to work today.  

I went to the dentist after school for a cleaning and, of course, I needed a filling.  I can never go for just a cleaning.  This does not have to do with my dental hygiene.  It's genetic.  I've done my research.  Don't get me started.

Because of this appointment, my mom told me not to worry about coming back to school for musical practice.  So, I took Colt's car though a car wash.  Gah, I love going through car washes.  If only they were about 30 minutes longer; it'd be a great nap.  I ran home, got the car vac out, and cleaned the inside of his car.  You see, he was going to thoroughly clean his car on Sunday but he ran out of time.  I decided I would help him check this off of his list.

I pulled it in the garage and placed my card in his seat, complete with an itunes giftcard.  I wrote, "I love the places you take me.  I love the music you make.  I love you, Colt."

He came home and was very surprised.  Mission accomplished.

We didn't plan on being cutesy or spending money or surprising each other, but sometimes you just can't help it.  It really is an addicting thing ... making the one you love happy.  You can almost get lost in it.

But, hey, isn't that what marriage is about anyway?  Serve the other so much that you eventually forget what you want in the first place. 

Happy Valentines Day!

lost and found

Just wanted to share a little bedtime story with you ...

"(sighs and grunts)"

"Colt, what are you looking for?"

"My brown belt."

"It's at the bottom of your closet by your shoes."

"Why?"

"Because you left it on the floor the other day and I threw it in there so I could vacuum."

"Oh."

A few minutes later ...

"(sighs and grunts)"

"What's wrong?"

"Well, I can't find my other running glove."

"It's in the car."

"How do you know?"

"Because the other day when we got done running, you only brought one glove in."

"Where is it in the car?"

"In the cupholder."

Leaves to go and check the car ... comes back a minute later ...

"You're a good wife."

Those are words I will always love to hear ... in spite of my frequent grouchiness and stress.  You're a good wife.  And Colt, you're a good husband.  

To all who have lost things, may your spouse find them.  :)  Goodnight.

brought together by bedlam

DISCLAIMER: This one is a bit mushy and no one ever wants to be that girl, but hey, I will be that girl every once and awhile on this blog. Okay, please continue ... :)

(taken at ACL in September of 2006)

Many a year ago, 2006 to be exact, on this day, Colt visited my household. As juniors in college, we were pretty good friends and, actually, I had developed a little crush on him the summer before. He asked if he could come by and we could 'work on some music.' This was when I had one foot in The Timberline Hike and one foot out, so I'm sure this was part of his scheme to pull me all the way in. Anyway, I agreed, because I thought he was cute, even though I hated writing music with people because it made me feel weird and exposed and I'd get the heebie-jeebies.

This day, of course, was also the OU/OSU game. The Cliffords are OU fans to the extreme and Colt is an OSU fan. We watched it together and we all survived. Surely that meant something ... right?

Later that night, we went for coffee and sat outside of Starbucks on NW Expressway and Rockwell ... and he paid. Jolie said on the phone that night, "Claire, that's a date. He paid." I said, half-wishing it was but not wanting to get my hopes up, "Oh, Jolie, he just paid because he's nice. It wasn't a big deal." I remember it being such a wonderful night and thinking that I never had this much fun with anyone else.

This wasn't the night that brought us together, but it is one I'll never forget. I was thinking the other day how important it is to remember these little things. Of course, I have these memories written in one of my 20 million journals, but thinking of them now and retelling our story is something that refreshes our relationship. It's beautiful to think about where things started and how all the little pieces fit together. I've decided that every few posts, I'd like to tell a bit of our story. I hope you don't mind, whoever you are.

Side note: I haven't been great about it lately, but if you don't journal, you should, whether it be online or hand-written. Write down what happens in your life, what you think about things/people/God/love, who you want to be, what your dreams are ... it's so fun to be able to read back on all of it.

Little did I know that a blonde haired, blue eyed boy who played guitar and bought me coffee on a Saturday in 2006 would become my husband. And I have to say, I like him even more now.

That's all.

Oh ... and BOOMER SOONER!

sunday morning interview

Today, we visited Our Lord’s Community Church for the second time. Instead of a sermon, the pastor interviewed an older couple. They had been married 49 years and were still so in love.

He kept referring to her as “honey” and the way they looked at each other was so beautiful. With each question, they’d each prompt the other by saying something along the lines of, “Honey, tell them about what your mom said that day” or “You should talk about what happened your sophomore year of college.” They knew EVERYTHING about each other. It made me realize how much Colt and I still get to learn about each other.

He said in their 49 years of marriage, not one time has she refused to have company or cook a meal for someone at the drop of a hat. He expressed his appreciation of her willingness to serve and to be selfless at any time.

They shared about how they had to make “adjustments” when they got married. At that, they laughed ... a lot. He was never late until he married her. He said her father would lose his watch and realize he lost it 3 weeks later.

They shared about the loss of their son and how they learned to cope. She said it was right before the 3 year mark when she finally "got her joy back." "Our disappointment are His appointments," is what he said.

There's just something about listening to 2 people share their love story and the things they've learned about each other, life, and God in the past 75-80 years. It was an inspiring morning.

Houston

We're heading to Houston tomorrow morning for Colt's heart appointment. Houston has been a place of extreme frustration and overflowing joy for me. It's hard to believe that it's been almost 2 years since he had his last surgery. It felt like, to me, that we would never get past that. It's amazing how much love you can cram into one person. Love for your husband/wife surpasses anything you see on tv or in the movies.... and thank goodness for that. His heart is my heart, physically and emotionally. I mean... I just really like the guy. And.. I'm not going to apologize for being mushy. I will work to still be mushy in 40 years. :) I am praying we receive wonderful news tomorrow... that everything is working just as it should. If you're the 'prayin-type,' it'd be much appreciated. I'll keep you updated...

In the middle of the night, we try and try with all our might
To light a little light down here
In the middle of the night, we dream of a million kites
Flying high above the sadness and the fear