a celebratory goodbye to nursing

{I don't feel any obligation or pressure to share my reasons for nursing or not nursing my children. It's just something I want to do. Because of how things went with Nova, I want to share how everything went this time around. Not everybody cares to talk about their own experience with feeding their babies, and that's fine! And along with that, not everyone cares to read about why people choose what they choose. But this piece of my motherhood has impacted me on a spiritual level, and I feel like it's a story that doesn't just give details about feeding decisions. It's a story that points to God, his goodness, and his knowledge of what is best for us even when we don't understand.}

Things were off from Day 1. 

I had hoped nursing would work this time around. But for some reason, I knew it wouldn't.

The entire pregnancy, I held loosely to the idea of nursing. I had learned that it doesn't matter how much I know about nursing. If my baby can't or won't do it, then that's that.

Veda wasn't satisfied with feedings from the moment I met her. The hospital is usually a dreamy place for me. People checking on me, taking care of my baby, and bringing me food all while I stay horizontal? Sign me up! But Veda wasn't happy. I would nurse for 30-45 minutes and sometimes she was satisfied. A lot of times she wasn't. So I'd try nursing again. After that point, she would cry and I would "shhh" and rock her until she gave into sleep. And usually, she would only fall asleep if she was on me. Putting her down in the hospital bassinet was not an option most of the time.

It was similar to our hospital stay with Nova, but the intensity was turned up a few notches this time. I figured it was just an eating issue. I thought, Once my milk comes in, this will probably change. This 10 lb. baby just needs some milk!
 
We had her on a Friday morning and headed home Saturday afternoon. Things got worse. She could not stay asleep in her crib at any point, day or night, for more than 25 minutes. It was miserable. We spent hours and hours going in and out of her nursery, trying to soothe her, trying to figure out the problem. And even in all of our trying, the fact that she was not immediately soothed or even calmed when we picked her up was a big red flag. Day after day, night after night, this continued.

All of this built up to one horrible night that Colt and I will never forget. Veda was inconsolable. No amount of nursing would satisfy. In the early morning hours, after no sleep, we decided to give her a bottle of pumped milk.

Immediate difference.

At our 5 day appointment that morning, the scale showed exactly what we had thought. Our sweet baby had lost a notable amount weight and was hungry - a problem that is so awful and heart-wrenching but also wonderfully simple to solve. Just like with Nova, I was making more than enough, but she couldn't get it from me.

"She's just not getting enough."

The doctor could barely get the words out before I said, "Okay! Well, that's good to know!" My excitement might've caught him off-guard, but in that moment I felt an amazing rush of relief. He kindly suggested we set up an appointment with lactation. But I knew we wouldn't. We wouldn't do that again. No, I would walk out of his office with a bottle-fed baby and I would be so thrilled about it.

I'll never forget the way I felt as we drove home that morning. We had said a celebratory goodbye to nursing and, thanks to the Lord and my journey with sweet Nova, I did it with freedom, ease, and excitement.

My plan was to pump as long as I could. Well, I guess I've learned a thing or two about giving myself grace because "as long as I could" translated into 3 days. This was a busy and stressful time for our family. Pumping wasn't worth it.

That sneaky voice tried to push its way in a few times with "Can't you just sacrifice and pump for this baby? Even just for a month? Are you that selfish?" But I knew what was on the line. My sanity, my time with my children, my freedom, my rest. All of those things take priority over breastmilk.

The first day of bottles couldn't have been more different than the days before it. She was full, happy, and content. She slept in her crib and took amazing naps.

Also worth noting? That same day, we got an offer on our house after just 12 days on the market. It was a red letter day.

Our experience with feeding Veda made me so thankful for our struggles with Nova. I fought hard and pushed and doubted God. It was a long battle and the Lord knew I needed to fight it then. This time with Veda, it needed to be a fast decision with quick answers. With a toddler running around, a 5 year old to take to pre-k, selling our house, packing everything we own, and then moving, it was clear that fighting for breastfeeding just wouldn't make the cut. 

I had already seen so much purpose, reason, and redemption behind our journey with Nova, but the Lord wasn't done with it. And that's why, to me, it was worth another blog post. Even though all of those emotions from 3 years ago are gone and healing has taken place, I want to remember that God is still finding new ways to re-purpose that whole experience. And he's not done re-purposing your thing either. The circumstance that you're in or the circumstance that's over. We can have full confidence that God really does know what he's doing as he's weaving our stories.

BFBN: on being done having babies (guest post)

Well, folks, today will be my last official "duty" as a member of the Babywise Friendly Blog Network.  Imagine my shock when I saw an email from Valerie in my inbox 2 years ago asking me to join.  Even though I didn't know Valerie, I spent many nights nursing Duke and searching various topics on her blog.  She seriously pulled me through and helped me troubleshoot in those early months, and she didn't even know it.  I've loved being a part of the network, but I know that my time is up.  I'm learning when to say "yes" and "no," and I knew I needed to say "no" to this so that there would be room for new and different "yes" moments.  I'm very thankful that I got to know these women (through the computer screen) and I have no doubt they will continue being a resource for so many parents out there.

So for today, I'm posting on Carrie's blog on the areas to examine when overcoming anxiety, and she's here guest posting for me.  I love that Carrie wrote about being done with the "having babies" phase.  Because I consider myself young and still somewhat in the beginnings of all of this, the idea of closing up that entire chapter sounds scary and unknown.  How will I really know that I'm done? is the question I ask myself.  I hope you enjoy reading her post today.

My Story About Being Done Having Babies
by Carrie Wiley

I always thought I would have 2 kids. Then, I when I was miserably pregnant with Laura Kate, I thought.. NEVER. AGAIN. Then, she was born. And I fell in love with having babies.

As the years passed, I learned so many things through my pregnancies and my four babies about myself and my husband and Christ. Every new baby we added was a different transition for our family. Each one brought it’s own unique personality and challenges. You can read the full story here, but in short, none of them were particularly easy. Even so, I have loved it.

Up until I was pregnant with Archer, I had decided that I would never really feel done having babies and that I was just going to have to trust Kyle when he felt like our family was complete. While feeling that, I prayed and asked the Lord to give me that feeling.

And He did. During my pregnancy with Archer I was affirmed over and over that this was the last time. I knew it deep deep down that Archer would be the last baby I birthed and the last baby I nursed. The decision wasn’t based on what anyone else’s idea was about family size (and let me tell you, there were plenty of opinions) but one that I felt directly in my heart from the Lord. And was confirmed by Kyle.

The past eight months have been a roller coaster for me emotionally. I have not wavered from the decision that our family is full and complete, but the sadness of the decision has surprised me. What I wasn’t prepared for were the emotions that would come with knowing I was done. It didn’t really set in until we drove home from the hospital to bring Archer home that I realized it was the last time I would get to do that and the sadness of that that (mixed with the hormones!) washed over me.

Throughout this season, there are three big things I have learned about “being done”.

1. The decision for every family is different.

I have many friends who families look very different from each other. Throughout the process of seeking God’s will for our family, I had to recognize and realize that what may be true and right for one family may not be the same for mine. This may seem really obvious, and I knew it in my head, but it took a while to see it in my heart.

2. You have to separate the emotions from the decision.

There have been times that I’ve questioned, because I was so sad, whether I was sure we were done or not. But every time I brought it back to the Lord I was affirmed again in our decision. Over time, I started to realize that it’s ok to be sad about the decision and for the decision to be done to still be what’s right for us. The emotions and the decision can co-exist.

3. It helps to remember why it’s a big deal.

I think the reason it’s ok to be sad about being done is because having babies is a BIG DEAL. In my lifetime, the greatest events that will happen, have now happened: getting married and having these four babies. For me, recognizing this has validated my emotions.

I am so grateful for the four healthy babies the Lord has blessed us with. And I know that what I am learning in this season is with great purpose for the coming days of raising them.

14 month old schedule

Below is the most average schedule for the month.

8:00 a.m. - 8:30 a.m.  Feed bottle, then breakfast

12:00 p.m.  Lunch
1:30 p.m. - 2:00 p.m.  Put down for nap
4:00 p.m. - 4:30 p.m.  Snack 

6:00 p.m. - 6:30 p.m.  Dinner

8:00 p.m.  Feed bottle
8:15 p.m. Bedtime

Eating: 5 feeding periods (3 main meals, 1 snack, 1 or 2 bottles) in 24 hours.
Number of Naps: 1
Duration of Nap: On average, it's around 2 hours.
Hours of Sleep at Night: 12-12.5 hours of sleep.

Worth Noting:
-I've kept the morning and bedtime bottles this long because I wanted to keep them in place while we were gone in Maui.  I knew that would make things easier for my in-laws and it would make Nova feel more comfortable.  Right when she turned 14 months, we dropped the morning bottle.  In the next week or so, we will drop the evening bottle.
-Most days, she makes noise at some point during her nap.  She is still in the adjustment period with getting this nap to be solid.  Occasionally, she'll take a 2.5-3 hour nap, but for the most part, it stays around 2 hours.
-She still does not like milk from the sippy cup.

a summary of nova's first year

1 MONTH

Eating:  7-9 feedings in 24 hours; every 2.5-3 hours
Number of Naps:  There was a bit of waketime and sleep after each feeding, so the "nap count" was kind of unnecessary at this point.
Duration of Naps:  Anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours.  If she woke early, I'd try to use the paci or rock her back to sleep so she would be well rested.
Length of Waketime:  Optimal waketime was probably 50 minutes; actual waketime was closer to an hour or a little more.  This was because she was having so many issues nursing and would sometimes take a full 45 minutes to nurse.
Hours of Sleep at Night:  I didn't let her go past 5 hours at night.  Many times, I'd wake up to my alarm telling me to feed her at the 5 hour mark.

Worth Noting:
-I didn't keep track of any kind of "schedule" the first week.  We focused on full feedings every 2.5-3 hours, the EWS pattern, and the sleep hierarchy. 
-We started working towards a consistent morning waketime at 4 weeks.

2 MONTHS

Eating:  7-8 feedings in 24 hours; every 2.5-3 hours
Number of Naps:  I guess there were technically 4 naps and then after the 8ish feeding was bedtime.
Duration of Naps:  Anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours.
Length of Waketime:  I was still trying to figure out her optimal waketime.  Sometimes it seemed close to 50 minutes, but other times it seemed closer to an hour and 10 minutes.
Hours of Sleep at Night:  This was a frustrating month because I knew she was capable of going longer than she was.  There were scattered moments of hope, but most of our nights were broken into 4-4.5 hour chunks.  Things started to lengthen out during week 9 though.  One night she went 9 hours between feedings, so we felt like we would turn a corner soon.

3 MONTHS

Eating:  6-8 feedings in 24 hours; every 2.5-3 hours
Number of Naps:  Still taking 4 naps.
Duration of Naps:  Anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours.  Naps did start to improve this month, specifically the 2nd one.  There were a lot of 45 min. - 1 hr. and 10 min. naps, then towards the end of the month, things started getting better.
Length of Waketime:  1st waketime = 55 min, 2nd waketime = absolute mystery; almost every 2nd nap ended up being just 45 minutes, 3rd waketime = 1.5 hours, 4th waketime = 1.5 hours (or however long would make her 4th nap around 45 minutes)
Hours of Sleep at Night:  A couple days before she turned 12 weeks, we decided not to feed her when she woke in the night.  We had every reason to believe she could easily make it through the night without eating.  (She was on formula, didn't spit up a ton, was gaining well, and wasn't eating well for her first feeding of the day due to the MOTN feeding.)  So when she woke in the night, she fussed, and then went back to sleep on her own.  So from 11.5 weeks on, she was doing around 10-11 hours of sleep.

Worth Noting:
-By the end of this month, we started swaddling her hands up by her mouth.
-At 10 weeks, I tried a new thing.  The consistent morning waketime was really rough on us, so I decided that whenever she woke (6:30 a.m. - 8:30 a.m.), I'd start my day.  My goal was just to keep bedtime the same.  I'm not sure if this helped us get closer to STTN or not, but that did happen soon after.  Once she was STTN, she fell back into a consistent morning waketime. 
-In general, it felt like something magical happened when she turned 3 months.  Everything just seemed more settled - her schedule, her night sleep, her naps, her ounces per feeding.

4 MONTHS

Eating:  6 feedings in 24 hours.
Number of Naps:  4
Duration of Naps:  Anywhere from 1.5-2 hours.  Naps were getting more and more dependable.
Length of Waketime:  The 1st waketime was typically closer to an hour and 15 minutes.  The rest of the waketimes were 1.5 hours.
Hours of Sleep at Night:  10.5-11 hours of sleep. 

Worth Noting:
-We had to cluster feed at night, as you can see.  I tried 5 feedings a couple of days and she just wasn't ready for it.  Cramming in those last 2-3 feedings at night was hard, mostly because she was just so tired having to be up that long.  But it was necessary so she could get all ounces in.
-Nova goes down pretty quickly for naps, sometimes not even making a noise.  A minute or so of crying is pretty normal though.

5 MONTHS

Eating:  5 feedings in 24 hours.
Number of Naps:  4
Duration of Naps:  The first 3 were anywhere from 1.5-2 hours.  The 4th nap was only 45 minutes to an hour.  If she was still sleeping at an hour, we'd wake her.
Length of Waketime:  The 1st waketime was close to an hour and 15-20 minutes.  The next 2 waketimes were 1.5 hours.  The waketime before the last (4th) nap was closer to an hour and 45 minutes or 2 hours.
Hours of Sleep at Night:  10.5-11 hours of sleep. 

Worth Noting:
-Soon after she turned 4 months, we cut down to 5 feedings.  6 feedings had just turned into too many for her, almost causing her to "snack feed" and not take full bottles.
-A lot of the time, she wakes or stirs at the 45 minute intruder during naps.  I'd say 95% of the time, she goes back to sleep.
-Last month, she was swaddled with her arms completely out.  And as of 5 months, we have switched her over to the sleep sack.  She kept getting her body out of the swaddle so it was time to make a change.
-A few days after turning 5 months, she started eating rice cereal once a day.  She had a few mornings of early waking (anywhere from 6:30-7:30) and some bad naps, so I took that as my cue to start.

6 MONTHS

Eating: 5 feeding periods (4 bottles, 2 solids) in 24 hours.
Number of Naps: 3
Duration of Naps: Anywhere from 1.5-2 hours.
Length of Waketime: An hour and 45 minutes was the norm.  Occasionally if I saw sleepy cues a bit earlier than that, I'd put her down.  Also, if it was getting towards the end of the day and I needed to stretch her schedule, it'd be closer to 2 hours.
Hours of Sleep at Night: 11-11.5 hours of sleep.

Worth Noting:
-We moved to more of a "four hour schedule" even though it's not technically all the way to four hours yet. We found that 5 bottles a day was causing her to snack and refuse the bottle. She does much better with just 4 bottle feedings.
-After a couple weeks of rice cereal once a day, we moved to doing it twice a day (when we changed to the four hour schedule).
-Started offering a sippy cup of water after some meals.

7 MONTHS

Eating: 5 feeding periods (4 bottles, 3 solids) in 24 hours.
Number of Naps: 3
Duration of Naps: Anywhere from 1.5-2 hours.
Length of Waketime: An hour and 45 minutes was the norm, but if she gave me sleepy cues before that, I'd go ahead and put her down.  She could do 2 hours towards the end of the day if I'm needing to stretch her schedule.
Hours of Sleep at Night: 11-11.5 hours of sleep.

Worth Noting:
-Just before turning 7 months, we added the rice feeding at lunch time.
-The veggies she has had so far are carrots, squash, and sweet potatoes.
-We started giving her the mesh food feeder (apples and oranges) occasionally and she loved it.

8 MONTHS

Eating: 5 feeding periods (4 bottles, 3 solids) in 24 hours.
Number of Naps: 2 (this month we made the transition from 3 to 2 naps)
Duration of Naps: Anywhere from 1.5-2 hours.  (There were very occasional 2.5-3 hour naps.)
Length of Waketime: Around 2 hours.
Hours of Sleep at Night: 11.5-12.5 hours of sleep.

Worth Noting:
-We introduced fruits this month (bananas, apples, pears).
-She continues to love all kinds and mixes of veggies.
-After going down to 2 naps, Nova's night sleep got much better.  I was not only noticing some early waking, but also occasional wakings in the night.  Sticking with just 2 naps seems to have solved it.  Her night sleep is also now closer to 12-12.5 hours rather than 11-12.  Not a huge difference, but any added sleep is a plus!
-Adjusting to 2 naps means that our last feeding and bedtime are a little earlier than preferred.  But I know that as she gets older, we'll be able to push it more.
-The number of ounces she takes at each liquid feeding is a guessing game.  There is seriously no pattern - sometimes all she wants is 2 ounces, but other times she'll guzzle an 8 ounce bottle.

9 MONTHS

Eating: 5 feeding periods (4 bottles, 3 solids) in 24 hours.
Number of Naps: 2
Duration of Naps: Anywhere from 1.5-2 hours.  (There were occasional 2.5 hour naps.)
Length of Waketime: Around 2 hours.  I did find that sometimes she needed closer to 1.5 or 1.75 hours of waketime this month.  That could possibly be due to illness or maybe just that she's adjusting to 2 naps a day still.  It's safe to assume anywhere between 1.5-2 hours is what she does though.
Hours of Sleep at Night: 11.5-12.5 hours of sleep.

Worth Noting:
 -Last month, I talked about how we had transitioned to 2 naps.  There were a few days, however, that a 3rd catnap was needed if she didn't nap quite as long as expected.  I just took it day by day and did what worked best each day.  But officially, at 9 months, she is down to 2 naps except for Wednesdays.  Those days are off because of Duke's school pick-up.  Because her afternoon nap is cut short, she always goes down for a 3rd nap around 4:30.
-We have just barely begun to venture into non-baby (pureed) foods.   So far, she has tried pasta and rice.  She is a fan of both!
-She is now completely capable of picking up small foods (like puffs) and feeding herself.  Now that she's learned that skill, we'll begin to slowly introduce more finger foods.
-As of now, we'll start cutting out the rice cereal since we'll be adding in other foods. 
-Nova seems to be pretty sensitive to textures.  She gags easily, so I know we will have to ease her into the process of more chunky foods.
-She seems to have settled into a more predictable pattern with drinking 4-6 oz. of her bottles at each feeding.  It's not always that amount, but for the most part, that's what she takes.

10 MONTHS

Eating: 5 feeding periods (3 main meals, 4 bottles) in 24 hours.
Number of Naps: 2
Duration of Naps: Morning nap went through a 45 minute funk for a couple weeks, but it seems to have settled around 45 minutes-1 hr. 15 minutes.  Afternoon nap was anywhere from 1.5-3 hours, although the average was 2-2.5 hours.
Length of Waketime: We were kind of done needing to operate on "waketime," but if I had to count, I'd say 2 hours.
Hours of Sleep at Night: 12-12.5 hours of sleep.

Worth Noting:
-She got tubes in her ears at the beginning of this month and it made a HUGE difference in her sleeping.  (She had been waking up at several points in the night and crying due to pain.  She rarely needed us to come in and tend to her, but it was still interrupted sleep for all of us.)  We had our happy baby back!  
-At mealtime, we do a combination of her feeding herself and me feeding her.  One, because it helps keep her focused and two, because if we let her feed every single piece of food, we would be there forever.

11 MONTHS

Eating: 5 feeding periods (3 main meals, 4 bottles) in 24 hours.
Number of Naps: 2
Duration of Naps: Morning nap was a bit unpredictable, but it was usually around 45 minutes to an hour and 15 minutes.  Afternoon nap was anywhere from 1.5-3 hours, although the average was 2 hours.
Length of Waketime: We were kind of done needing to operate on "waketime," but if I had to count, I'd say 2 hours.
Hours of Sleep at Night: 12-12.5 hours of sleep.

Worth Noting:
-For the past couple of months, I've felt that she would start cutting down on her morning nap a lot sooner than expected.  In general, it seems that if she sleeps more than an hour in the morning, then she wakes from her afternoon nap way too soon.  Dropping the morning nap is a transition that can last awhile, so I'm just assuming that we are at the beginning of it.
-Something has clicked with her and the sippy in this past month.  She has discovered that there is actually something in there to drink!  This is great since we'll be transitioning to whole milk in the sippy soon.

12 MONTHS

Eating: 5 feeding periods (3 main meals, 1 snack, 3 bottles) in 24 hours.
Number of Naps: 2
Duration of Naps: Morning nap had to stay around 30-45 minutes.  Afternoon nap was anywhere from 2-3 hours.
Hours of Sleep at Night: 12-12.5 hours of sleep.

Worth Noting:
-In order to have any kind of normal nap in the afternoon, I really have to keep the morning nap short.  My guess is that she drops her morning nap sooner than Duke did (at 15.5 months).
-There are occasional mornings that she does not end up taking a morning nap at all because of appointments or not napping well at church.  She actually does just fine.  I don't think she could handle it every day, 7 days a week.  But the fact that she can handle it at all means that we are definitely in the transitional period to dropping the morning nap.
-Around the time she turned 1, we dropped that 4:00 p.m. bottle feeding and replaced it with a small snack and water.  That leaves us with 3 bottle feedings.  The next one we drop will be the lunchtime bottle.
-She is not a fan of milk in the sippy cup right now.  We'll see if she gets used to it over time.


***To see more detail or a schedule for each month, check out Nova's monthly schedules or Duke's monthly schedules.
***To see a summary of Duke's first year, click here.

BFBN: dropping the morning nap // prioritizing sleep

It's Babywise Friendly Blog Network week, and our topic is sleep.  I know that these posts are going to be so helpful, so check out each of these ladies' blogs this week:

Monday:  Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday:  Shea at The Moses Home // Stephanie at Giving It Grace
Wednesday:  Brooke at Apffel a Day // Kimberly at Team Cartwright
Thursday:  Carrie at Wiley Adventures // Emily at The Journey of Parenthood
Friday:  Claire at My Devising // Elaine at Faithfully Infertile

Today, Elaine is writing about how to prioritize sleep so that you have a well-rested baby, but also feel like you can get out of your home.  She gives some really great advice in the area of sleep, so you definitely need to pop over and read her post!



One thing I love about Babywise is the nap structure.  I know there are non-Babywise folks who have kids that are good nappers, but for me, Babywise is what got me there.  Not only do I enjoy the fact that my kids sleep well, but I enjoy that there is a natural progression we can follow when it comes to naps and sleep.  Babywise lays it out there for us.  We know when our child has entered nap-dropping range and we know what to look for.

Every nap that is dropped means more freedom.  When I was a first-time mom, I would read things like this and feel very confused.  Your kid is up more and it's freeing?  YES!  Once they get to one nap a day, life is wonderful.  (I mean, life is wonderful before that point, but being able to be out and about all morning with two happy kids is a glorious thing.)

Typically, you know it's time to drop a nap when something changes in your child's sleep - taking a long time to fall asleep for naps, waking early from naps, waking in the night.  Now, if your child has not been napping or sleeping well period, don't immediately jump to dropping a nap.  Most likely, that points to a different cause - needing to adjust feedings, over-tiredness, or changing waketime to be either shorter or longer.  Dropping a nap is usually the solution when a normally well-rested baby suddenly stops sleeping well.  If you're in an appropriate nap-dropping age range and you know there aren't any feeding issues, growth spurts, or illnesses to deal with, then it may be time to adjust naps.

I wrote a little about Duke's 3-to-2 nap transition here and wrote a lot about his 2-to-1 nap transition here.  That transition, going from 2 naps to 1, is what I want to focus on today.  But this time, I'd like to map out how Nova made that transition.  She did almost exactly what Duke did, as described in this post.  I'm going to use those same 5 phases (inspired by some great song lyrics) and talk a little bit about what each of them looked like with her.

PHASE 1: HEY-EY-EY-EY, HEY-EY-EY, I SAID HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

Usually, an afternoon nap that suddenly gets shorter/worse means that an adjustment needs to be made to the morning nap.  Nova's afternoon nap started getting shorter around 10 months.  She wasn't sleeping as well and I knew that meant the transition had begun.

PHASE 2: I THINK A CHANGE WOULD DO YOU GOOD.

The first step to dropping the morning nap is to cut it down.  With Duke, this process was a slow and gradual one, but Nova demanded a pretty quick shift.  She went from a normal 1.5-2 hour morning nap at 10 months to a 45 min.-1 hour and 15 min. morning nap at 11 months.  At 12 months, we had to limit her morning nap to 30-45 minutes or else the afternoon nap was a disaster.  So for this phase, you have to pay attention to your child and to what their optimal nap time is.  It's going to be different for every baby.

PHASE 3: YOU DON'T REALLY WANNA STAY, NO. BUT YOU DON'T REALLY WANNA GO-O.

In this phase, you may find that your baby will take a solid 45 minute nap one day, a 20 minute nap the next day, and then completely fight it another day.  For people that are structured (especially us Babywise people), this can be hard to accept.  Just know that it's okay for your days to look different as this transition is happening.

PHASE 4: RENDEZVOUS THEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU.

Nova completely dropped her morning nap at 13 months, which was 2.5 months earlier than Duke did.  She was over it, and I could tell.  That's just proof that you can do the same thing with two kids and get different results.

PHASE 5: I'D RATHER WORK ON THIS WITH YOU THAN TO GO AHEAD AND START WITH SOMEONE NEW.

We are in this adjustment period right now.  In my experience, two things have to adjust.  First, you and your baby have to adjust her being up all morning long.  For us, it's pretty imperative that we get out and do something every day to help break up the morning and avoid fussy spells.  The great thing about this phase this time around is that Nova has a buddy to keep her entertained.  Second, the afternoon nap has to adjust.  It may only be around 1.5-2 hours some days as your baby is learning to lengthen that nap.  That's where we are right now.  There are occasional days that a 2.5-3 hour nap happens, but for the most part, the naps are on the shorter end as her body figures out how to stretch it out.

(To read about these phases in more detail, read this post.)

Phase 1 hit both kids at different times (Nova - 10 months, Duke - 12 months), but for each child, it was about a 3-4 month process of chipping away at the morning nap to make for a better, longer afternoon nap.  Duke was officially down to one nap at 15.5 months and Nova was down to one nap at 13 months.  Hopefully this will help some of you as you drop down to one nap a day!

BFBN: conquering the 45 minute nap // infant sleep guide

It's Babywise Friendly Blog Network week, and our topic is sleep.  I know that these posts are going to be so helpful, so check out each of these ladies' blogs this week:

Monday:  Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday:  Shea at The Moses Home // Stephanie at Giving It Grace
Wednesday:  Brooke at Apffel a Day // Kimberly at Team Cartwright
Thursday:  Carrie at Wiley Adventures // Emily at The Journey of Parenthood
Friday:  Claire at My Devising // Elaine at Faithfully Infertile

Moms who are desperate and wanting help with your chronic 45 minute napper, you will love Carrie's post today.  She shares ways she conquered the 45 minute nap with her 4th child.  My most favorite part is point #4 - "Do the same thing for a long time."  She talks about how sometimes you're so insane trying to fix something that you end up trying a million different things and nothing works.  I've definitely been there.  All that does is create a crazy mom and a chaotic day because all consistency has been abandoned.  If you're working through a 45 minute nap issue, you definitely should check her post out.

Emily's post gives the main bullet points of getting your infant to sleep.  She mentions the most important pieces to the process.  On the list are things like being consistent, knowing your baby's optimal waketime, and the eat-wake-sleep pattern, just to name a few.  Emily is an experienced mom of 3 and has a lot of wisdom to offer!

BFBN: maintaining sleep schedules on vacation // no guilt for sleep scheduling

It's Babywise Friendly Blog Network week, and our topic is sleep.  I know that these posts are going to be so helpful, so check out each of these ladies' blogs this week:

Monday:  Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday:  Shea at The Moses Home // Stephanie at Giving It Grace
Wednesday:  Brooke at Apffel a Day // Kimberly at Team Cartwright
Thursday:  Carrie at Wiley Adventures // Emily at The Journey of Parenthood
Friday:  Claire at My Devising // Elaine at Faithfully Infertile

Kimberly posted on the importance of keeping a schedule even when you're on vacation.  I know that for me, considering my personality and my kids' ages, keeping a schedule is important for us as well. It keeps everyone happy, well-rested, and provides downtime we all need.

Brooke's post is a great encouragement to all of us moms to go with our instincts.  There's no need to be passive aggressive and post articles in an attempt to put others' parenting methods down and lift up our own.  There's no guilt for how we parent.  There's no guilt for sleep training.

BFBN: importance of a sleep routine // protecting baby's first nap

It's Babywise Friendly Blog Network week, and our topic is sleep.  I know that these posts are going to be so helpful, so check out each of these ladies' blogs this week:

Monday:  Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday:  Shea at The Moses Home // Stephanie at Giving It Grace
Wednesday:  Brooke at Apffel a Day // Kimberly at Team Cartwright
Thursday:  Carrie at Wiley Adventures // Emily at The Journey of Parenthood
Friday:  Claire at My Devising // Elaine at Faithfully Infertile

There are 2 posts on sleep today.  Stephanie wrote about the importance of a sleep routine.  I like that she mentions how a sleep routine, which may seem rigid to some people, usually means that you are able to put your baby down almost anywhere for naps and bedtime.  That's how my kids have been.  Give them a room to sleep in and they'll do it.  She talks about how a routine actually gives her a lot of flexibility with things like late evenings at friends' houses, traveling, etc.

Shea's post is so great for any moms who are new to Babywise.  She wrote about protecting the baby's first nap of the day and how, a lot of the time, it influences how the rest of the day goes.  She explains how the first nap transforms and changes throughout your baby's first year.  This is a great resource for anyone needing to know what to expect as your baby grows.

BFBN: how healthy sleep principles benefit infancy through preteen

It's Babywise Friendly Blog Network week, and our topic is sleep.  I know that these posts are going to be so helpful, so check out each of these ladies' blogs this week:

Monday:  Valerie at Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
Tuesday:  Shea at The Moses Home // Stephanie at Giving It Grace
Wednesday:  Brooke at Apffel a Day // Kimberly at Team Cartwright
Thursday:  Carrie at Wiley Adventures // Emily at The Journey of Parenthood
Friday:  Claire at My Devising // Elaine at Faithfully Infertile

I love Valerie's post today.  It's all about how good sleep habits follow our children into the preteen ages.  My favorite part is about how when our children are used to being well-rested, they learn how to take personal responsibility for their sleep.  They may make their own observation about how going to bed later means they don't sleep as well or they wake earlier.  They notice things like that because they are so accustomed to having good, healthy sleep consistently.  It was encouraging to read through some of the benefits of Babywise even as our children get older.

12 month old schedule

Below is the most average schedule for the month.

8:00 a.m. - 8:30 a.m.  Feed bottle, then breakfast

10:45a.m. - 11:00 a.m.  Put down for nap

12:00 p.m.  Feed bottle, then lunch
2:00 p.m. - 2:15 p.m. Put down for nap
4:15 p.m. - 4:45 p.m.  Snack (water sippy and cheerios, graham crackers or something along those lines)
6:00 p.m. - 6:30 p.m.  Dinner

8:00 p.m.  Feed bottle
8:15 p.m. Bedtime

Eating: 5 feeding periods (3 main meals, 1 snack, 3 bottles) in 24 hours.
Number of Naps: 2
Duration of Naps: Morning nap must be kept around 30-45 minutes.  Afternoon nap is anywhere from 2-3 hours.
Hours of Sleep at Night: 12-12.5 hours of sleep.

Worth Noting:
-In order to have any kind of normal nap in the afternoon, I really have to keep the morning nap short.  My guess is that she drops her morning nap sooner than Duke did (at 15.5 months).
-There are occasional mornings that she does not end up taking a morning nap at all because of appointments or not napping well at church.  She actually does just fine.  I don't think she could handle it every day, 7 days a week.  But the fact that she can handle it at all means that we are definitely in the transitional period to dropping the morning nap.
-Around the time she turned 1, we dropped that 4:00 p.m. bottle feeding and replaced it with a small snack and water.  That leaves us with 3 bottle feedings.  The next one we drop will be the lunchtime bottle.
-She is not a fan of milk in the sippy cup right now.  We'll see if she gets used to it over time.

life still happens when you aren't nursing

Nova is almost one.  Soon, every bottle in this house will be packed away in storage bins and thrown in the attic.  My shopping carts will no longer contain formula, and our bank account will no longer experience the cost of it.  This season of "baby" is just about over.

Even with the rough beginning and the constant ear infections/illnesses for something like 6-7 months, Nova has been an incredibly happy baby.  When I think about her first year, I think of how much I enjoyed it.  In fact, I was able to enjoy it so much more than Duke's first year.  NOT because of the child, but because I wasn't a first-time mom and because I wasn't nursing.

Yep.  I said it. 

The other day, Kelsey asked me if I was at a point where I looked back on Nova's nursing struggles and thought that I fought too hard or made it too big of a thing.  Or if I looked back and felt it was all justified and that I'd do it again.  I suppose it's a little mix of both.

Like I said in this post, nursing was finally the thing I could control (I thought).  I felt so confident!  To have that taken from me felt awful.  But I think a huge part of the devastation of not being able to nurse Nova was more about the unmet expectation than the actual inability to nurse.  It was the 3rd unmet expectation surrounding her arrival and I was d-o-n-e.  Things weren't working out the way I'd orchestrated them in my head and I needed someone to blame.  I ended up with a lot of misplaced frustration and anger towards God.

But now, as I sit here typing, I've got a baby napping in her bed and a toddler away at school.  I've got dishes in the sink and there are toys scattered all over the floor.  The laundry baskets are full of folded clothes, waiting to be put away.  My point?  Life still happens and how you feed your baby is so not a thing.

Both experiences - nursing Duke for a year and formula feeding Nova - have made me realize that it just doesn't matter.  Feeding our babies, whether breast or bottle, is an incredibly short season of life.  It's a tiny blip on the timeline.

I can still put myself back in the whole conundrum when I was trying to decide what to do.  In no way am I saying that my emotions were not validated.  It was one of the hardest seasons of my life.  I fought so hard to nurse Nova.  I was fighting for the beauty of it - the fact that our bodies make milk just for our babies, the fact that I am the only who can give this to my baby, the sweet moments that nursing creates.  But I was also fighting for other things.  I was fighting for the right to nurse my baby.  Surely I was entitled to this!  I was fighting for an expectation that I assumed would come true.  I was fighting for this-is-how-I-did-it-last-time-so-it-should-work-like-this-again.  Part of my fight was truly noble and part of my fight was birthed from my own pride and stubborn attitude.

So that's why my answer is a mix of both.  Yes, I'd fight again.  When I think about having another baby one day, I do plan on trying to nurse.  The difference is that I'm not afraid of what will happen if my baby is not successful.  I'm not afraid of how it will feel.  And I'm not afraid of letting go of expectations and just letting things happen as they will.  Because now I know the truly awful and traumatic thing that happens when nursing doesn't work - you just buy formula.

I used to shutter filling Nova's bottles with scoop after scoop of formula.  I can't believe I'm having to do this when my supply was more than enough, I thought.  While pushing my cart of formula through the grocery store, I wanted to shout, "My baby just wouldn't nurse!  It's not my fault!"  But after a few months of all of that, I hardly ever thought about it.  It was my new normal and I actually enjoyed the freedom of it.

I have loved the pros of formula feeding.  (I compared the pros and cons of formula and breastfeeding here.)  I have loved not having to plan life around the supply and demand of breastfeeding.  I have loved being able to have other people feed my baby.  I have loved being free from the feeling that Nova is really only 100% satisfied when she's getting fed from just me.  There are a lot of positives for using formula.

Of course, the sacrifice you make to nurse a baby can be worth it.  It can be worth all the sweet moments, the feeling of giving your baby what only you can give, and saving lots of money.  But you know what it wasn't worth for me?  Losing my sanity.  Giving up my social life.  Feeding my Nursing Mom ego by making sure everyone else knew that I NURSE MY BABY.  Resenting my spouse because he's unable to carry the load of nursing and it's all up to me.  Nobody wants to be around that person.  So, if you're able to nurse your baby with grace, then go for it.  If it turns you into a monster, then it may not be the thing for you.

To be the person that God wants me to be and that I want to be, I have to experience struggle.  I needed to experience this struggle with nursing Nova.  I needed to learn some things about God and my relationship with him.  I needed to let go of some opinions and judgements about others.  I needed to see things from a different perspective.

I can wholeheartedly say that I am thankful for how it all happened.  When I look back, I can find the good.  I can see how the Lord was just a few steps ahead of me and was doing what he knew was best for me.  It has all been redeemed.

A note to moms who are wrestling with nursing:
I hear you and I understand you.  Your problems are not small.  You are finding your way through a something that is really hard.  Just know that whatever you choose is 100% okay.  There is no right or wrong.  There is good and there is best.  And what's best for you may not be what's best for someone else.  So go with your gut, talk with your spouse, and get input from people you trust and who love you.  One day, you will be on the other side of this decision, I promise.

11 month old schedule

Below is the most average schedule for the month.

8:00 a.m. - 8:30 a.m.  Feed bottle, then breakfast

10:30 a.m.  Put down for nap
12:00 p.m.  Feed bottle, then lunch
2:00 p.m.  Put down for nap
4:00 p.m. - 4:45 p.m.  Feed bottle
6:00 p.m. - 6:15 p.m.  Feed dinner

8:00 p.m.  Feed bottle
8:15 p.m. Bedtime

Eating: 5 feeding periods (3 main meals, 4 bottles) in 24 hours.
Number of Naps: 2
Duration of Naps: Morning nap is a bit unpredictable, but it's usually around 45 minutes to an hour and 15 minutes.  Afternoon nap is anywhere from 1.5-3 hours, although the average is 2 hours.
Length of Waketime: We're kind of done needing to operate on "waketime," but if I had to count, I'd say 2 hours.
Hours of Sleep at Night: 12-12.5 hours of sleep.

Worth Noting:
-For the past couple of months, I've felt that she would start cutting down on her morning nap a lot sooner than expected.  In general, it seems that if she sleeps more than an hour in the morning, then she wakes from her afternoon nap way too soon.  Dropping the morning nap is a transition that can last awhile, so I'm just assuming that we are at the beginning of it.
-Something has clicked with her and the sippy in this past month.  She has discovered that there is actually something in there to drink!  This is great since we'll be transitioning to whole milk in the sippy soon.

life with 2: how babywise changed with 2 children

When I had Duke back in 2011, I had no idea what I was doing.  How many times am I supposed to feed this baby anyway?  Can he just sleep in the bouncer forever?  I was clueless.  I was also frustrated.  But when I started Babywise at 3 weeks old, things began to fall into place.  No, life wasn't perfect and the postpartum depression was still around, but there was a rhythm to my day and I was in desperate need of that.

Duke was a textbook Babywise baby so I knew I'd use the same methods on Nova when she arrived.  So far, Nova and Duke have been very different.  She came a million years late while he came right on his due date.   She's been formula fed since she was 2 months old, but I was able to nurse Duke for a year.  She rarely spits up while Duke, on the other hand, soaked large bath towels after every feeding and in between feedings.  Nova dropped the DF before the MOTN feed while Duke dropped the MOTN feed before the DF.

They are two different children who have different personalities and different needs, but Babywise has worked wonderfully for both of them.

I was a pretty strict Babywise follower with Duke as a baby.  I remember occasionally hearing, "Oh, just wait til you have your next one.  You won't care about that stuff!"  While I am more easy going about things with Nova, I didn't just toss everything out the window.  When you find something like Babywise that is this beneficial for you and your children, you're not going to throw it aside just because it may be a bit more complicated to manage two sets of schedules all day long.

I wanted to share the things that I have been more relaxed about this time around.  These are small things, but knowing that every day will not be a perfect textbook Babywise day is helpful for me.  A little extra slack given in moderation will not create bad habits.

SNACKS

Babywise does not encourage snacking.  It focuses on full meals so that your baby or child is not eating constantly throughout the day.  I do not let Nova snack, but I will say this - if I'm going to an appointment or I'm going to be running errands and pushing her naptime or she's in the church nursery, I'm not worried about her munching on Cheerios and drinking out of her sippy cup just to keep her happy and keep the intensity level down.  With Duke, I would've worried I was going to create a habitual snacker for life.  An 18 year old that will never stop eating and does not know how to control his food intake all because of THIS.  There are moments when you need to pull out the snacks - for your kids' sakes, for your sanity, and for the ears of the people around you.

NAPS

I want to have well-rested kids just as much as I want to have my precious alone time every day.  So even though I am more flexible with naps, do NOT hear me say "we just don't take naps or worry about naps or try to keep them consistent."  We LOVE our naps around here.

Here's what I mean when I talk about being more flexible.  I do not worry about Nova only taking a 45 minute morning nap at church every Sunday.  I do not worry if she wakes early from a nap at home.  Yes, I get frustrated and annoyed because my alone time was cut short, but I am not concerned for her well-being.  I do not worry about Nova having to take a little 3rd catnap on Wednesday evenings before church because of how her naps get interrupted due to school pick-up.  So when it comes to flexibility in naps for me, it's mostly about my perspective and how I can loosen up when an off day happens.

WAKETIME

Waketime is very important in the first few months of life.  For me, it's been very crucial to figure out the most optimal waketime for my children in order to guarantee good naps.  But eventually, you come upon a certain age, dependent on the particular baby and/or the parents, where the waketime or the time that baby goes down for a nap just doesn't matter.  It doesn't mean a longer or a shorter nap.  I hung on to the formula and preciseness of waketime with Duke way longer than I held onto it with Nova.  Neither is right or wrong.  It's just a preference of how you like to do things coupled with your baby's personality.

MEALTIME

I remember a season of Duke's life when he always ate dinner at 6:00.  If for some reason we were elsewhere and dinner would be served at 5:30-5:45, it sent my mind into a whirl.  What if that's too early for him?  What if his dinner doesn't carry over into the night and he wakes up hungry?  What if he doesn't sleep through the night?  Very silly.  But you can't blame a young, new mom for feeling that way!  Nobody wants to give up a great schedule and an amazing night of sleep!  But now, I see the bigger picture and I know that if a mealtime has to be tweaked, it's okay.

Maybe none of these are monumental thoughts and maybe they seem obvious.  But these are the ways that Babywise has become more relaxed to me with my 2nd child.  I didn't/don't compromise on the basic concepts, but I know where there's room to fudge a bit.

As a general rule, what you do on MOST DAYS is what your children will expect.  If a couple days a week are wonky or off-schedule, your kids will bounce back.  And if they don't, then you know you've pushed too far.  They don't mind letting us know!  If Nova gets 3 days in a row of napping elsewhere, short naps, or something along those lines, she will make it clear to me that she is not a fan.  Sometimes it will take a day or two to get back to normal.  So right now, at almost 11 months, 2 days of crazy in a row is her limit.  Another example - if the day comes when your toddler thinks he gets to eat whatever he wants whenever he wants, then you've probably given him that impression.  They will let you know when you've loosened the reigns too much.

Lastly, I want to say this:

To the new moms of 2 - You can STILL maintain the level of structure that you desire.  Whatever feels most natural for you is what you should do.  Just know that having another baby or another schedule to deal with does not make Babywise impossible.  You will need some adjustment time to figure out how to make your routines work with 2 little people around, but it really will happen.  (Read my summary on the first 5 months of adjusting to 2 if you need a little pep talk.)

To the strict Babywise moms of 1 - You are not silly, you are not rigid, and you are not unexciting.  You may feel all of that at some point, but don't let the moms of more children make you feel lesser because of how precisely planned your life is.  Sure, you'll probably loosen up a bit if you have another, but it's certainly not required.  If that is the way in which you parent best and most comfortably, then continue on! 

Has your implementation of Babywise changed as you've had more kids?  What's different about it?

Other "Life with 2" posts:

going from 1 to 2

the first 5 months

10 month old schedule

Below is the most average schedule for the month.

8:00 a.m. - 8:30 a.m.  Feed bottle, then breakfast (oatmeal with a fruit mixed in)

10:15 a.m. - 10:30 a.m.  Put down for nap
12:00 p.m.  Feed bottle, then lunch (veggie and fruit)
2:00 p.m. - 2:15 p.m.   Put down for nap
4:00 p.m. - 4:45 p.m.  Feed bottle
6:00 p.m. - 6:15 p.m.  Feed dinner (veggie, grain, and a fruit)
8:00 p.m.  Feed bottle
8:15 p.m. Bedtime

Eating: 5 feeding periods (3 main meals, 4 bottles) in 24 hours.
Number of Naps: 2
Duration of Naps: Morning nap went through a 45 minute funk for a couple weeks, and now it seems to have settled around 45 minutes-1 hr. 15 minutes.  Afternoon nap is anywhere from 1.5-3 hours, although the average is 2-2.5 hours.
Length of Waketime: We're kind of done needing to operate on "waketime," but if I had to count, I'd say 2 hours.
Hours of Sleep at Night: 12-12.5 hours of sleep.

Worth Noting:
-She got tubes in her ears at the beginning of this month and it made a HUGE difference in her sleeping.  (She had been waking up at several points in the night and crying due to pain.  She rarely needed us to come in and tend to her, but it was still interrupted sleep for all of us.)  We had our happy baby back!  
-At mealtime, we do a combination of her feeding herself and me feeding her.  One, because it helps keep her focused and two, because if we let her feed every single piece of food, we would be there forever.

BFBN: when you can't start as you mean to go on

Today, I'm over at Emily's blog writing about how I've become a bit more relaxed about certain areas of Babywise as I added a second child.  Elaine is here talking about that same idea - that you can't always follow the book perfectly with every child.  Specifically, she discusses the topic of "Start as you mean to go on," which is one of the first things the book tells you to do.  She is an experienced mom and I know you'll love what she has to say.

Start as you mean to go on.

Anyone who is even slightly familiar with Babywise has probably heard this statement. If you choose to implement Babywise with your baby starting as you mean to go on does make the implementation of Babywise so much easier.

If you would like to have a 9 month old sleeping in their own bed for naps, then it would be wise to begin, when the baby is a newborn, to lay baby down in his crib for naps. This certainly doesn’t mean you can never hold your newborn to sleep, but you want to keep “start as you mean to go on” in your mind so you can begin establishing eating and sleeping patterns for your newborn that will continue on into his babyhood and childhood.

Start as you mean to go on is a very wise statement but what if you can’t start as you mean to go on from the very beginning?

We adopted our youngest child seven months ago and he was born with medical conditions that left him with severe stomach pains after eating. I simply could not start as I meant to go with him because of the amount of pain he was in. There was no laying him down for naps. He was held the majority of the time during his first 2-3 months. I feared what this meant as far as being able to implement Babywise with him! Having two other children I needed to know that one day I would be able to lay him down for naps and know that he would get the sleep he needed without intervention from me!

The worst of his issues and pain subsided by the time he was around 3-4 months old. He started napping in his Rock N Play consistently at that time and was sleeping through the night (with a dreamfeed) just before turning 4 months old. How did we accomplish that despite not being able to start as I meant to go from the beginning? Here is how:

1. Start as you mean to go as much as you can…even if it is not much at all! I would always first try to lay my son down for his naps in his Rock N Play because that was my ultimate goal. During the roughest period, 90% of the time, he would not stay in the Rock N Play for the duration of the nap and I would end up holding him. At least we had tried and we could try again next nap!

2. Don’t worry about “spoiling”. A baby that is truly in pain and dealing with medical issues needs help sleeping. Holding my son while he was in pain did not “spoil” him. There was a season he needed to be held and then once he was past the worst of his pain he transitioned to sleeping on his own with basically no issue. There was some minimal sleep training involved when he was waking at the 45 minute mark but it was nothing like I had thought it would be.

3. Keep up with the basics of Babywise. If you can’t do anything else, try to keep baby on a 2-3 hour feeding schedule. I knew if I got my son’s feeding schedule in place it would help regulate every thing else. From birth until about 3 months of age, I just focused on feeding him every 3 hours and that was it! I also stuck to an Eat-Play-Sleep cycle as much as possible because I knew if I could establish that, once the pain was no longer a factor, we would be able to fall into a more predictable schedule.

During the first 3-4 months of my son’s life that was all I did as far as Babywise goes…and it was enough! Once his health issues subsided and he was no longer in constant pain, he was able to fall into the predictable feeding and sleeping routine that comes from implementing Babywise!

Elaine blogs at Faithfully Infertile.

BFBN: how child temperament influence sleep training process

It's Babywise Friendly Blog Network week.  Each day, one of us will be writing on the same topic.  This week, our topic is Personalities.

Today, Natalie, our guest blogger, has written about how a child's personality can affect the sleep training process.

"I believe there are several pieces of a puzzle that come together to make up the sleep training process: A child’s natural temperament or personality, the parents’ natural temperament or personality (and thus their ability to be consistent in implementing the sleep training plan itself), and the type of training method the parent chooses." - Natalie

Read her entire post here and enjoy!

BFBN: consistently parenting your different children

It's Babywise Friendly Blog Network week.  Each day, one of us will be writing on the same topic.  This week, our topic is Personalities.

Today, Valerie has written about how we, as parents, can be consistent, yet also have the flexibility to parent each of our children differently.  I love what she says when she talks about the difference between equal and fair:

"It isn't even appropriate for your 4 year old to have the exact same freedoms as your 7 year old had when he was 4. Same age, but a different person. The current 4 year old might need more or fewer freedoms. Maybe the number won't necessarily be different, but what is allowed will be different."  - Valerie

Read her entire post here and enjoy!

9 month old schedule

Below is the most average schedule for the month.

8:00 a.m. - 8:30 a.m. Feed bottle, rice cereal, and fruit
10:00 a.m. - 10:15 a.m. Put down for nap
12:00 p.m. - 12:15 p.m. Feed bottle, veggie, and fruit
2:00 p.m. Put down for nap
4:00 p.m. - 4:30 p.m. Feed bottle
6:00 p.m. - 6:15 p.m. Feed rice cereal, veggie, and fruit
7:50 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. Feed bottle
8:15 p.m. Bedtime

Eating: 5 feeding periods (4 bottles, 3 solids) in 24 hours.
Number of Naps: 2
Duration of Naps: Anywhere from 1.5-2 hours.  (There are occasional 2.5 hour naps.)
Length of Waketime: Around 2 hours.  I did find that sometimes she needed closer to 1.5 or 1.75 hours of waketime this month.  That could possibly be due to illness or maybe just that she's adjusting to 2 naps a day still.  It's safe to assume anywhere between 1.5-2 hours is what she does though.
Hours of Sleep at Night: 11.5-12.5 hours of sleep.

Worth Noting:
-Last month, I talked about how we had transitioned to 2 naps.  There were a few days, however, that a 3rd catnap was needed if she didn't nap quite as long as expected.  I just took it day by day and did what worked best each day.  But officially, at 9 months, she is down to 2 naps except for Wednesdays.  Those days are off because of Duke's school pick-up.  Because her afternoon nap is cut short, she always goes down for a 3rd nap around 4:30.
-We have just barely begun to venture into non-baby (pureed) foods.   So far, she has tried pasta and rice.  She is a fan of both!
-She is now completely capable of picking up small foods (like puffs) and feeding herself.  Now that she's learned that skill, we'll begin to slowly introduce more finger foods.
-As of now, we'll start cutting out the rice cereal since we'll be adding in other foods. 
-Nova seems to be pretty sensitive to textures.  She gags easily, so I know we will have to ease her into the process of more chunky foods.
-She seems to have settled into a more predictable pattern with drinking 4-6 oz. of her bottles at each feeding.  It's not always that amount, but for the most part, that's what she takes.

life with 2: going from 1 to 2

I've got a 3.5 year old and a 9 month old and I feel very much like how in the world did I get here?

One minute I was feeling like my life would never resume and crying tears every evening because a dreaded night of interrupted sleep was ahead of me (as well as a day of toddler-entertaining), and the next I've got schedules aligned to where I get 1.5-2.5 hours of naptime peace every day and full 12 hour nights of sleep for both kids.   Sometimes I'm stunned at how something can be so ridiculously chaotic and exhausting and then turn into something that is doable.  Still exhausting, still a lot, still causes me to lose my mind, but this 2 kid thing is doable.  And it's more than doable; it's fun and I like it! 

Going from 1 to 2 is not easy.  (If you missed my breakdown on the first 5 months of adjusting, read it here.)  However, going from 0 to 1 was much harder in my opinion.  When you transition from "no kids" to "kid," your entire life and how you do everything changes.  You stop sleeping, new expenses are added into the budget, new limitations exist in your life, new furniture crowds your house, new schedules fill your days, new laundry adds to your load, and new worries float around in your mind.  Life turns upside down for a bit and you have to find your new normal.  But when you transition from "1 kid" to "2 kids," that base of parenthood is already there.  Instead of dumping everything out and reorganizing all over again, you just move some things around.  You've already been parenting, so the new challenge is figuring out how to do it with a few new multitasking skills to add to the ones you already have.

Now, the daily life with 2 is harder than 1 for obvious reasons.  It's harder simply because you have one more person you're taking care of.  I mean, sometimes you have to hold the baby with one hand, hold the bottle with your chin, and use your other hand to help your toddler pull up his underwear after peeing in the potty.  That kind of thing.  But then you just get used to using every limb on your body to get everyone through the day.  You get used to standing up while eating your bowl of cereal because you know that you will inevitably need to wipe the 3.5 year old's bottom and constantly move the 9 month old away from the million pieces of who-knows-what on the floor that she's attempting to shove in her mouth.

But because you know what's ahead of you (because you're looking at your toddler and wondering how the heck they got that old), you know all of these hard phases really are just phases.  You know that all of your unbelievably awful days are not your forever norm.  You know that it really is hard taking care of people that cannot take care of themselves.  You know that all of it is so worth it.

I know it's different for everyone.  Some may feel the 1-2 transition is harder.  But I wanted to throw my thoughts out there because after having Duke, I remember feeling defeated for awhile.  If having 1 is this hard, how am I supposed to ever have another one (or two or three)?  Just remember that everything is relative to your experience.  Just like you wouldn't expect a middle schooler to figure out high school, you can't expect to know how to parent a toddler and a baby when you've only parented a baby.  So, if you're a new mom of 1, I say you're doing the hardest part right now!  

Moms, I'd love to hear from you.  I've only experienced these 2 transitions so I can only wonder what 2 to 3 or 3 to 4 must feel like.  What has been the hardest transition for you?  What has been the easiest? 

going to church with a babywise baby

Getting to church can be kind of a mess with a baby.  I was/am much more flexible on Sundays with Nova, but that's just because she's my second.  I think it's hard to balance all of that with baby #1.  I wanted to write out what we do with our kids when it comes to church.  Maybe this will help some of you out there who feel like Sundays are just absolute chaos.

With Duke, we were back at church when he was 6 weeks old.  I was nursing and he was still so young, so I obviously just kept him with me.  He would fall asleep on the way to church, stay asleep in the service for a bit, and then wake to eat.  With Nova, we brought her to church around 4 weeks and did the same thing.

This system worked for awhile, but then things got tricky.  If the car ride didn't get them to sleep or if they couldn't stay asleep, that basically meant they'd miss an entire morning nap, which is rough on babies (especially Babywise babies who love their sleep)!

We needed a new plan.  So, here's what worked for us from around 3-9 months of age:

7:30 a.m.  Wake baby early and feed (8:00 a.m. is usually the start of our day)
9:00-9:15 a.m.  Put baby down for nap (Obviously the waketime before this nap differs depending on age)
10:10 a.m.  Wake baby (no feeding) and head to church (I always have everything in the car and ready to go)
10:25 a.m.  Arrive at church

(Side note:  Once you start taking advantage of the nursery, life gets a lot easier.  Duke started going to the nursery at 6 months.  I had a pumped bottle ready for them to feed and I knew that I'd miss that feeding every Sunday.  I honestly can't remember pumping every Sunday to make up for that.  I'm sure I did occasionally, but for the most part, I just skipped that feeding.  Because I had to stop nursing/pumping with Nova at 2 months, we sent her to the nursery sooner - I think around 3-4 months.  The first few weeks of dropping your baby off in the nursery can be hard, but it is so worth it.)

With this schedule, both of my babies took a bottle somewhere around 10:45-11:30 at church.  (Obviously as they got older, the time got later.)  There were a few occasions where they would fall asleep after the bottle, but mostly, they were up playing.  After this, we head home, eat lunch, and do afternoon naps.

Eventually, with Duke, we let him wake at his normal time on Sunday and he'd do just fine to take a little nap in the nursery cribs during church.  Nova is almost 9 months now and we have yet to try that out, but I have a feeling the day is coming soon where the timing of the cat nap at home just won't work before church.

In summary, don't skip out on church (or anything really important to you, for that matter) just because it may interrupt your daily routine.  I am firm believer that keeping things scheduled and predicable is the best way to go, but allow yourself a little grace every once and a while.  Kids will get used to the way you do things, and if Sundays are a bit different, they will get the hang of it!