God, be so near

I was driving from the bank to the thrift store when I got a call from Colt.  He just called to check on me.  But he also wanted to know if I'd heard about what happened in Connecticut.

I had no idea.

Ever since my panic attack in the theater (which was within 24 hours of the Aurora shooting), my response has changed to stories like this.  My journey with anxiety has caused these events to hit me in a different spot.  I feel my whole body shudder and it's as if a darkness closes in around me.  It's too much. 

We know this world is a hopeless place without the Lord, but it's times like these when we really see it with our own eyes.  This is not how life was supposed to be.  We were not created to suffer, lose, cry, mourn, die.  While I feel so overwhelmed by how awful our world is at moments like this, I am so thankful that this is not my home.  I'm not going to be here forever.

I can't even begin to imagine what those families are experiencing.  My mind won't even let me go there.  It's terrifying.  But like my mom just reminded me, we can't live in fear.  We can't live in constant fear that this could happen to us. 

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

I love this translation.  "A sound mind."  We can think, act, and react clearly because of God at work within us.  We have this to look forward to.  Someday, I will be in a place full of only sound minds.  It will be beautiful and just as the Lord intended.

As I heard this news today, my radio was playing Christmas music.  I immediately thought of "O Holy Night."  The lyrics couldn't be more appropriate for a day like today.

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name. 

I am praying for all of those who met evil in the face today, who have never known such a loss, and who feel completely hopeless.  God, be so near.