welcome to the third trimester

Several nights ago, I was at a lipsense party and trying on the millionth color of the night. I never wear makeup, so deciding on a lip color was ... hard. Am I picking an everyday color even though I'm not an everyday-lipstick-wearer? Am I picking a every-once-in-a-while color which basically means the tube of lipstick will last me several years? Thankfully, I have good friends who know about makeup and told me what to do. I ended up with an everyday color as well as a bit of an intense color. But the best part about the whole night was when I had this intense color (Rhubarb) on and Sara said, "Claire, you need that color! That's what I picture you in! Your black and white stripes, glasses, fun lip color, and blogging!" This has made me laugh intermittently throughout the past weeks for lots of reasons, but one being because I hardly ever blog anymore.

I really like blogging and, trust me, there have been plenty of #thingstosay about life, but once I arrive at the coveted naptime each day, I find other things to do. But I'm making/letting myself blog today so I can share a little life update.

Colt and I just got back from our babymoon in NYC. It has always been a dream to go with him (one more thing crossed off my 30x30 list!), but even more so since seeing "Waitress" back in May. I wanted so badly to see it with him. He surprised me with plane tickets for my birthday in July and we finally got to make that dream, along with many others, come true this past week.

I'm so thankful we got some solid time together before this little baby girl comes in March. We slept in, had brunch, explored, took evening naps, and had conversations that were completely interruption-free. I really love this guy.

Grand Central Station

The New York Public Library

"Wicked"

"Waitress"

Stardust Diner

The 9/11 National Memorial Museum

Joe's Pizza

SNL Dress Rehearsal

On the SNL stage

Rockefeller Tree

Central Park

But I need to back up for the sake of the documentation of this pregnancy. Somewhere around 15-16 weeks, the nausea stopped, the exhaustion let up, my energy level shot up, and I was able to eat (and enjoy) food in my house again. But man, that first trimester was hard stuff. I felt sick, had lots of headaches, dealt with a sinus infection (my first ever), and had a constant list of things I absolutely could not eat and things I desperately had to put in my mouth within the next 30 seconds or I'd melt. But I survived. I made it through with the help of chicken noodle soup, naps, lots of eating out, Colt (who basically ran this household because I felt paralyzed when it came to chores and preparing food), and Sara Groves.

So take up what we’ve been given
Welcome the edge of our days
Hemmed in by sunrise and sunset
By our youth and by our age
Thank God for our dependence
Here’s to our chasm of need
And how it binds us together
In faith and vulnerability

This cup, this cup
I wanna drink it up
To be right here in the middle of it
Right here, right here
This challenging reality
Is better than fear or fantasy

Listening to these words reminded me that this season of feeling sick and exhausted while taking care of two children would only last for so long and that I could still find beauty in a challenging reality. I was still grumpy and unendlessly hungry and just had to have fries and a malt to survive the day many times, but there was also a calm knowing that this was all still a wonderful thing - to be pregnant with two other little people running around, reminding me what all of this was for.

Finding out our little babe was a girl was so much fun, but no surprise at all. I mean, honestly, we all knew it was a girl. In fact, when we told Duke, he was a little frustrated. "Mom! I told you it was a girl this whole time!" And it's true, he did. I'm so excited for Duke to be a big brother to two precious girls and I can't wait to see Nova fill her new big sister/middle child role.

 

A couple of weeks ago, I failed my glucose test and had to take the 3 hour one. It felt pretty devastating to me because I didn't fail with Duke or Nova. I thought something might've really been different this time. Thinking about watching what I ate for the duration of this pregnancy sounded like absolute doom. I was so relieved to find out I passed the 3 hour test and that all of my levels were completely normal.

Although I have definitely noticed how different things are being 30 and carrying baby #3, I'm still feeling great. I have always loved being pregnant and this time is no different. I am aware of the crazy blessing that it is and am very grateful.

As for now, I'm 28 weeks and my mind and days are occupied with my "Before the Baby Comes" to-do list, which has already included an exciting room change-up for the kiddos as they now share a room. It has had its challenges, but sleep is something we take very seriously in this house. We try to give grace and let the fun of sleeping in the same room run its course, but we also try to keep the shenanigans to a minimum. It's been around a month now and I think we've all adjusted pretty well.

Other than that, our to-do list includes things like building extra shelves in the kids' closet so we can add Nova's clothes in with Duke's, putting the crib up, getting the nursery ready, and many other miscellaneous things that are completely non-urgent and unnecessary in order for the baby to come but that seem like emergencies to me. Ah, nesting. I love it. It's like an excuse to be my naturally crazy self about getting things done. Of course, it feels overwhelming at times, but it's also so exciting to be making room for a new member of our family. I don't think I ever imagined living in this house with 3 kids, but here we are and we're going to make it work!

Just as suspected, this pregnancy has gone by a lot faster than the other two simply because my days are busier and fuller. And with the holidays coming up, the new year will be here before I know it. And from there, it's baby shower, final preparations, and, of course, the waiting for her to come, which is my favorite part of all.

the birthday club turns 30

I almost don't have any words for our trip we took to NYC back in May. Almost. But for the sake of this blog and my memory, I'm going to find some.

Reese, Sara, and I had been dreaming about a trip for quite awhile. We figured that the year we turn 30 would be the best time to do it. Back in the summer of 2004, the three of us took our senior trip to NYC together. So for 2016, we decided returning to NYC would be a great idea. And just for fun, here's a little walk down our memory lane of some interesting fashion choices and the time we hung out with Bachelor Bob in a cafe.

But New York City wasn't the original plan for 2016. We initially thought a relaxing, beachy-type getaway would be nice.

But then we heard about the musical.  

The musical, Waitress.

The music was written by Sara Bareilles and we are some of her biggest fans. So we bought our tickets and made our plans to see the musical and spend a few days in New York.

Let me tell you, it was the most wonderful trip. It was everything I hoped it would be and more. I think we all agree that our most favorite hours of the entire vacation were the ones spent in Brooks Atkinson Theater watching Waitress the musical.

At it's most basic level, it's a story about friendship and the journey of finding yourself. There were so many sweet pieces of these three friends on stage that reminded me of the three of us sitting in the audience.

I can't fully describe what it is about this musical that has totally grabbed my heart and attention. But part of me thinks that it all just happened at the perfect time, and that is what is so beautiful about it. A year to the day after some big life changes in our trio, we take a trip to celebrate turning 30. Almost exactly 12 years after our senior trip to NYC, we return. Our favorite artist collectively, Sara Bareilles, wrote the music for a musical that would be out at the exact time we were planning to go somewhere. The musical was centered around 3 friends with some similarities in personalities and life struggles. It all fell together perfectly, the stars had aligned, and a dreamy getaway was the result. God had this lovely reunion planned for us just at the perfect time and I'm so glad he did.

There were some other great parts of our vacation as well. Like when we walked into an Italian restaurant and the man/host/guy in charge just looked at us and said, "No." We still have no idea what exactly he was saying no to, but we figured that meant there was no room in the inn so we moved on to our next restaurant option. I'm glad we ended up elsewhere because a vibrato-filled middle-aged couple was doing music at the restaurant and we got to request some tunes from "Oklahoma." We got the whole restaurant singing and clapping along! Good job, Oklahoma for being awesome and having a cool musical.

We also ate tons of great food, walked the Highline, visited the emotionally stunning 9/11 memorial, saw "School of Rock," went to the New York Public Library, ate dessert at Serendipity, took a picture outside of a Dean & DeLuca and got warm fuzzies thinking about Felicity, had the best burger of my life at Shake Shack, ended up in Queens at midnight by accident (subways, y'all), re-visited the Stardust Diner (not everyone can say they've heard a musical theater version of Motorcycle Driveby, but I can), went to a cat cafe (YES A CAT CAFE) and I drank my latte while my crazy friends hung out with cats, ate pizza on our hotel floor, slept in, and just, you know, did whatever we wanted.

It was wonderful. Every last drop of it.

Being able to walk through your high school years, college years, working/mothering years with the same people is something pretty special. There's something unique that has to happen in friendships like that. You have told hold on tightly to the person while also holding loosely to who they might become. We've all changed and grown into people I don't think we would have ever imagined we would be back when we were 14. And I mean that in the hard ways and the good ways. I'm so thankful for who we all are now. I'm grateful to have friends that know all of these different versions of me yet still love me no matter what.

Now, we're officially 30 year old women and we've officially been friends longer than we haven't been. Love you, Birthday Club.

looking back on 2015

HIGHLIGHTS

I ended 2015 as a 29 year old woman, a wife that is more happily than ever married to Colt, and a mom with two precious kids, 4 and 1.5 years old.  We love our home and the Lord has provided everything we've needed.  We are surrounded by close family, precious friends, an unbelievably wonderful church, and a loving community group.  2015 has been a good year.  Here are some highlights:

We met up with the Watsons in California for vacation.
We swapped our dining room and music room.
I wrapped up the Nursing Nova blog series (along with my emotions and misplaced frustrations).
Nova finally got tubes and, while there were a few infections that followed, the tubes have saved our lives and our sanity.
I pooped my way through ran the relay in the OKC Memorial Marathon.
Colt added on the side gig of becoming the youth pastor at our church.
We went to Maui with my family.
After a 4 year process, we released our first EP as Mopak and played a really fun release show. (Listen to the EP on Spotify!)
I got better at saying no.
I got to write once for Gospel Centered Discipleship and once for For Every Mom.
I had my first commission to write a lullaby for a long time friend's baby girl.
We said goodbye to Colt's sweet Nana who lived such a God-honoring life.
Colt and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary.
I cut my hair off.
We paid off Colt's student loans.
We started working on a set of my songs for our next EP.
I went to the movies for the first time in 3.5 years.

BLOGGING

In 2015, I wrote 79 blog posts.  That number is considerably smaller than previous years, but I'm okay with that.  These were some of my most-read and/or personal favorite posts:

i went to the movies
icky feelings
the 7 year itch
dear first time mom
areas to examine when overcoming anxiety
a summary of nova's first year
waiting for the storm to pass
life still happens when you aren't nursing
you are worth the celebration
the evidence of motherhood
build courage by embracing suffering
how nova slept through the night

RESOLUTIONS

These were my resolutions for 2015:

wear my retainer at night more often
Hit and miss on this.  I wore it more, yes, but not as much as I'd hoped.

have both bathrooms semi-updated
We didn't do much to our master bath this year except for add a new rug and organize the shelves.  But in our guest bath, we painted the wood trim white, painted the walls grey, got new rugs, got a new shower curtain, and added a cute photo of the kids on the wall.

finish writing my album
Yes!  All songs are written with a few tweaks left.  Currently, we've got 2 of the 6 figured out as a band.  Practices are scheduled each month and hopefully we'll head into the studio in the next few months.

spend some kind of time with God consistently
This happened much more.  When I wrote this goal, I thought that I'd either land on doing it before kids wake up or after they go to bed.  What I ended up deciding is that spending time with the Lord in the morning is the best - but not necessarily before they wake up.  Most of the time, when I get up before the kids, there is some kind of silent alarm that goes off in their rooms, telling them that they should also get up.  It's weird.  I get up before them, they wake up early.  I get up with them, we all get up at 8-8:30.  It became more of a stress and frustration trying to get up early and beat the clock.  What works best for me right now is getting the kids fed, cleaned up, and down to play.  After that, I sit down at the table with my breakfast, journal, and bible/bible study/devotional.  It's a noisy, interrupted time, but it's also special because my kids see me do it.  For now and in this season, it works best like this.

MY WORD

My word for 2015 was surrender. 

In Life.  I saw surrender play out in saying no.  I talked about that in this post.  I learned that saying no is good and necessary.  Maybe the most important part, though, is realizing that I don't have to feel guilty for saying no.  For my sanity, my emotional limit, and the health of my family, I have to say no to the things that bog us down, busy us up, and make us crazy.  That took surrender – surrendering a "yes," surrendering the outcome of saying no, and maybe even surrendering a desire that just didn't fit in this season.

In Marriage.  I can certainly say that there is more of an ease to our marriage as we enter into this year as compared to last year.  I can feel the growth and the change.  More surrender, more giving in, more apologizing, more serving, more giving up of what we want for the sake of the other.  I am married to a great man who is a leader in all of these things so I consider myself very blessed.

In Friendships.  I saw the fruit of surrender here.  I saw what happens when you give of yourself, your time, and your resources.  We're all bound to be at rock bottom at some point.  I've had my moments and the way my friends rushed in during those times will never be forgotten.  I got to be on the other end of that many times this year and it was so rewarding.  It's a privilege to walk alongside people in their burdens.  It's just what Jesus wants us to do and when we do it, it is incredibly fulfilling.  Yes, you have to give things up to do it, but the return is so much greater.

In Motherhood.  I've discovered that I feel the most frustrated, alone, exhausted, fed up, and numb on days that I'm doing too much, expecting too much, or only focusing on myself.  Of course, all of those emotions are normal to feel as a mom, but what I do and how I react because of those emotions is where I mess up a lot of times.  I usually have the wrong response.  Occasionally, very occasionally, I can look inside of myself, find the deeper issue, and make a change.  On those days, I win.  I find the piece of me that needs to surrender.  For example, a few days ago I was having one of those days.  I was so done with all of it.  One more making of a lunch was going to kill me.  One more "Can you say that to me in a different way?" was going to make me pop.  But the next day?  I was fine.  It was easier.  I liked my kids more.  The difference?  I surrendered some of my time to make sure I spent time with God and I surrendered thoughts of what I wished I was doing or what I felt like every other person was doing and focused on what I was actually doing.  When we hand things over and give things up that aren't meant to be held in our brains and hearts, life works better.

I love picking a word at the beginning of each year because it gives me something to focus on.  I saw this word on my wall every day.  Some days, I put it into action.  Some days, I didn't.  But I'm so thankful for the days I did and for the constant reminder of how important surrender is in so many different areas of my life.

holiday review 2015

THANKSGIVING

I'm sure you don't remember, but last Thanksgiving was one for the books.  We were in the thick of Nova's ongoing ear infections and Duke went on a poop strike.  We gave thanks for enemas and antibiotics.  We could only go up from there.

This year was great.  We kicked everything off with our annual 3rd annual OBU Friendsgiving.

Then, we spent Thanksgiving day with my side and the following two days with Colt's family in Stillwater.  The weirdest thing was not having Nana around with the Westbrooks.  She passed away in September and we all definitely felt her absence this year.

visiting Brandon at the coffee shop

We left Stillwater earlier than planned that Saturday evening because of all of the power outages.  We weren't sure of what we'd come home to and we needed to have time to make a plan.

Sure enough, we had no power.  We grabbed a few things inside the house and headed to the Chambers' to spend the night.  After we put all give kids down for bed, we got Poblano takeout and watched the bedlam game.  It was such a fun impromptu little date night. 

PRE-CHRISTMAS

my dad's company Christmas party

Walrus Audio Holiday Party

community group Christmas party

I love the entire Christmas season and one main reason is because it means lots of musical activities.  We did our 5th annual Cuppies Caroling night and it was so much fun.  I came prepared this year (finally) with lyric sheets printed out for us.  It's such a fun thing to sit around with these girls who I've known for most or all of my life.

A few days later, Karlie and I (IG: @maryanntheband) did an evening of melancholy Christmas music.  Because sometimes you don't want to have a holly jolly Christmas.  Sometimes you wish you had a river you could skate away on.  So, for all the folks who needed a little calm and understanding, we decided to stick with our theme.

Our last musical event of the season was when we, The Night Nights, (IG: @thenightnights), did an hour of Christmas music and interactive stuff with the kids.  I cannot tell you how much I loved it.  There's nothing like doing music in front of a bunch of eager, smiling kiddos with Christmas anticipation filling their hearts.

my Mama Lue and my mom after our piano recital

One night, we had a special movie night with Duke.  We put Nova to bed and then popped popcorn, ate candy, and watched Inside Out.  Duke was in heaven and I think he felt extra special that he got to stay up late with us.  He kept asking questions like, "Are we staying up til morning?  Is it already time to wake up?  Am I gonna sleep in here tonight?"  The kid loves his sleep.

Our Christmas Eve service was extra memorable this year since Colt and I were asked to lead a short kid's music time.  I planned on plopping Nova in my lap while I played and sang.  She's used to doing that at home, but I was crossing my fingers she'd stay put.  And she did!  A true Christmas miracle!

CHRISTMAS

We spent sweet time with our families, ate lots of good food, and laughed a lot.

One of my favorite memories of this Christmas will be that we re-gifted the dollhouse that my dad made for me when I was 4.  (The dollhouse I talked about in this old post.)  I wasn't quite ready to indulge in Barbies with the kids, but I got some dolls, threw in some homemade furniture, and called it done! 

NEW YEAR'S EVE

All night we said, "We've got to remember to take a picture before everyone leaves!"  But we still forgot.  Oh well.  It was a fun night with a small group of OBU folks.  Duke even got to stay up late with his buddies (Cooper and Camryn) that night.  Cookies, pigs in a blanket, and movies on the iPad until 10:30?  He hardly knew what to do with himself.

It was a fun, relaxing holiday season and I'm looking forward to what 2016 brings!